Mrs Justa and the proverbial fruits

43 Things Tags: life,expectations,earning things

There is an old Greek Proverb " He who will have the fruit must climb the tree" (Courtesy of picasaweb.google.com)

That is so true. We must earn what we want out of life, work for it, Nothing should come easy. I see kids that have everything handed to them on a platter- and as they grow up, they expect for things to be handed to them. They expect that life owes them instead of that life is waiting for them to earn it.

I was in a management class a few months ago, and it was delineating the different generations and how the societal environment makes people different in their life and work ethics. Now I really HATE generalizing, and I know there are some people no matter what generation that do not fit the mold. The idea of the class was to show how we stereo type ages, and also that different generation groups are different in their expectations and their feelings of entitlement or appreciation.

I do find there is a difference. Again, it is not across the board. However, when I have worked with the 50-65 age group they are normally always on time, they tend to try hard to keep their job, they do not gripe about others and they are frugal.

The 30-40 age group are more computer savvy, carry themselves about differently, maybe even with more confidence, sometimes - and it may not be aware to them, but a sense of arrogance at times.

The 20-30 yr olds seem to have a little less understanding of how precious every minute is at work. You can catch them sneaking in text messages at times, chit chatting when work is piling up , sneaking in 5-15 minutes late, they are hard workers, when they are working, but sometimes seem to be lax.

I found this in various settings of where I have worked , where I shop or do business, and again it is not always, not everyone, but it is definitely apparent if you look for it. We all have to remember that life is not meant to be handed on a silver platter, and to appreciate something, it needs to be felt, earned, and a challenge to get.

Good luck in your endeavors, and until later, I am going to sign off and pick some proverbial fruits. Love, Mrs Justa

Mrs Justa feeling lost...

I feel like a lost soul on the cyberspace road way. Have I told ya that I sometimes HATE computers... well tonight is one of those nights. I came in to update our excel file of our expenses in the checking account and all is gone! It says it does not recognize the format or the program it was done on- yet it was done on this computer. I had it stored on a g drive- guess that was not a good idea. The fricken g drive ate my information.

So here we are faced with having to reenter all the info--- grrrr.

Hand written ledgers never did that. Yes, I feel like I am rambling on this path, not sure where I am headed, have no idea where all my stuff has gone, and feeling like there is  no end.

Kinda felt that way in the moving adventure a few months ago, I kept packing, and there was more to pack, more to move, more to reorganize. I swear I will NEVER move again. I am sure PR can relate to that right now!

Going around the kitchen still it is like where's Waldo trying to remember where I placed some item that is not often used.
I laugh at myself, as I open a cupboard to see if I chose the right door. It will probably take me another few months before I get it all straight.

Mark said he will help me with this excel nightmare this weekend, I am going to at least start reentering the info tonight. But I gotta tell ya, it is really yanking my chain! So as I stroll through the last 3 + months of check ledgers, think of me as I fumble through the seemingly endless path . Love to all, Mrs Justa. ( PS Mr Justa is coming along, a little at a time, he is here in spirit !)

43 Things Tags: lost,computers,dreading

Mrs Justa on abuse

43 Things Tags: abuse,harm,being blind,helping a child

"Somebody cries in the middle of the night
The neighbors hear, but they turn out the lights
A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate
When morning comes it'll be too late

Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel

A statue stands in a shaded place
An angel girl with an upturned face
A name is written on a polished rock
A broken heart that the world forgot

Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel" 

Today is dedicated to a little girl I do not know,

a little girl that the news clips say was murdered. A homicide they say. This song I have sung in karaoke bars, Martina McBride sang this song a few years back. No one really knows the story of this child, or many more like her, but the thought of going through life, however long it may be, and being abused, it is so troubling to me. Abuse is a game of Satan, it eats those victims alive, it mars and scars them , and often, no one sees the scars or ugliness.

Oh people can assume, or after something happens and it is known this person is a victim, then we can look in our rear view mirrors of life and say- I should have seen it, I should have known. May you rest in peace , oh little one, and may the gates of heaven and the golden streets, take away all your pain.

And please, if you think there is a child in need, do not turn away, call and leave a tip on a hot line or to the police. Love and peace, Cindy

Mrs Justa and never claiming to be MR Justa...

43 Things Tags: depression,anxiety,overwhelmed,Mark,disappointment

I was reading some of the blogs of friends Mark had encountered during his blogging days and on one there were some comments posted that referred to Mark's blog and that "I took it over".  I must admit I was hurt, maybe disappointed in the misinterpretation of my intent of writing on this blog. I am unaware how many of you have ever dealt with SEVERE depression, the kind that sucks your energy out, the kind that makes every day seem worthless, the kind that makes a person not care about a darn thing. Well when Mark hit low, I knew he had blogging friends so I thought I would post on what was going on, I guess I was doing it because I thought people cared about what was happening.And I truly believe that some have appreciated it.

I did it so that once MR Justa ( Mark) felt he was able to jump on, you would already know what had happened in the past months. In doing this, there have been some people who have continued to comment, and as soon as I see a comment I thought I was posting it. There are people who have commented that I felt a bond with, because they are so real, so sincere.

I have NEVER screened comments or chosen not to post them. I do however not get on line every day. My job takes me away from home 12 - 13 hrs a day. I manage about 20 people and often have things I bring home with me to do.

I have a house to run, a husband who is healing , a dog, cat and parakeet, and now a new grandson. Life is so busy for me. We have just moved into a new place and there have been a lot of things I have had to help out with, if not do myself. Marks depression and very low state caused him to be admitted 2 times in patient, so along with the hrs I worked, I too had the 50 mile one way trek to the hospital every day. And I would not change anything I have had to do.

I never meant to disappoint anyone, and for the person who commented the "something is just not right"- well I gotta agree with you,our life here has not felt right for a very long time. I can not possibly every expect to be Mark on line, again that was not my intent. I am not versed on bi-polar--- so referencing this site for bi-polar right now is probably not a great reference. Marks doc says he has depression and anxiety disorder and not bi-polar--- I do not know. I used this photo because it represents the void that is felt by him not posting, and again, I will post, but it is not to "take over" Mark's site, it was because I love him, and he really worked hard to make this site what it was, so my intent was to give it some oxygen, to keep it alive, until one day he begins to feel alive again too.

Mrs Justa Believing there is a plan

43 Things Tags: Plan,God,blessings,trials,hurt,belief,faith

There was a song

I used to sing at church called "I Believe" And some of the lyrics were:

"I believe for every drop of rain that falls a flower grows......

I believe above the storm the smallest prayer can still be heard....

Every time I hear a new born baby cry, or touch a leaf , or see the sky,

Then I know why I believe......."

Is this not the utmost truth.

Life is not something that just happens, it is a miracle. Whether it is the garden that blossoms, the vegetables that grow tall from a small packet of seed, the child that is born. This does not just happen as a freak of nature.
I believe there is a plan for each of us, for everything. I believe that we need to appreciate what we have been blessed with. I believe in God and I believe the is a reason for everything.

I believe when there is a time

that hurt knocks on our door of life and weighs heavy on our hearts, that eventually we will see what was in the plan , why did whatever happen?

I look at our grandson in this picture,

this little bundle of joy, so close yet so far away, as he lays in an intensive care unit, being cared for by health professionals when his parents are not there, and health professionals an alarm sound away when his parents are there. We will know why this all happened at some point. I can not say why right now. I have thoughts, but they are just thoughts.

Why is everything not great and rosy?

Why are the winters so harsh? Why are there divorces? Why are there injuries?

I am always looking for what good came out of something bad, something terrible. Sometimes it can be a long time before we can see it, but it is there.

So sleep tight little Brandon,

and continue to get strong. And for everyone who is going through tough times, look beyond the tough area, look for a glimmer, a tiny ray of sun, look inside yourself for the hidden strength, for without hurt the heart is hollow- and I for one can testify, by heart has gotta be far from hollow.

Peace, faith , and believing in good things are wishes I have for you. Love, Mrs Justa, filling in for the slowly healing Mr Justa :)

Mrs Justa and a peek at the special boy

43 Things Tags: Brandon,baby,grandparents,life,blessing

Now tell me he does not look comfy! This is Brandon, our new grandson. We have not yet been formally introduced, cuz the lil guy came into the world 6 wks early. But here he is. He may get out of the intensive care area next week, but we are not sure. Jeff and Amanda are going up to see him as much as they can. He was born this past Tuesday.

So now we are Mr and Mrs Granjusta I guess. Life is so precious, babies are such a blessing, and life is so very unpredictable. I am working on some cloth books that I am trying to bring back to life right now, Jeff had washed them and they got a little misshapen, So I am off to be grandma repairing the babies books.

But I wanted to do a quick blog- to show you our new member to our family :)

Mom and dad are good, and Brandon.. he will be just fine. Love always, Mrs Justa

Mrs Justa and the morning workout

Day one of my journey and Satan did not win! Nope I hopped on this bike, in my jammies this morning and rode for 15 minutes. It was about 5:20, so I did not have a really long time, but it did feel good. I will shoot for tomorrow and the tread mill:) It was a good feeling, tough, but good. Work is chaotic right now , to say the least, so I think the extra working out will help the stress level.

I am probably going to try to alternate every day for now. And I am thinking about trying to walk the whole road we live this weekend. That has gotta be about a 2 - mile adventure.

I am also going to update some photos of the landscaping outside, I think it looks pretty good for folks on a very tight budget.

I do love it here, it is quiet, it is spacious, it is home.

May you each find a place that brings you comfort, whether it be a house, an apartment, a room, it makes no difference, it is a place that is for relaxing, it can be a park bench, or a lounge chair, a tub, just somewhere to take time for you, each of us deserve that. Love, Cindy--- Mrs justa.

43 Things Tags: excercise,goals,work,stress,relaxation

Mrs Justa and unattainable goals

"Just love me with all my faults, as I love you.

Accept me for what I am,

Accept me for the things I do "

 

This was lyrics from a song , I am unsure what song it was from though.

Is that not what we all want. TO be accepted for who and what we are?

I can never be beautiful in the eyes of Hollywood, and I will never be a size 4 or 6. I know what my limits are. But one thing that I know is that my son , my husband, our dog and cat, my brothers and sisters , and all my family, they love me for who I am.

They never make me feel subconscious of my looks, that comes from my inner self. I want to be prettier, I want to be shapelier, I want to be something I will never be. And that is not healthy, because my wants are unobtainable, and with that I make my life a failure before I even get started.

I try to lose weight, I try to look good, I try to wear clothes that are attractive on me, but I do not succeed to the level I want to be at.

I hope starting tomorrow I can get up 20 minutes earlier and hop on the tread mill or bike, and the next day on the other, and try it for 1 month. My wish for you is you make your goals real, do not be like me, for if you are, you set yourself up for disappointment before your feet hit the floor each morning. Love, Mrs Justa

43 Things Tags: goals,self worth,wishes

Mrs Justa and the ocean

The ocean,

43 Things Tags: ocean,peace,life

(courtesy of picsexplained.blogspot.com)  I gotta tell you it is one of my favorite places to be. I think we are born in places that our hearts long for if we ever leave them. I was born in Bridgeport Ct in the early 50s, and I really love New England. There is so much to see in a little bit of travel time. I did go back to New England for a few months, worked in Enfield Ct and lived in Springfield, Mass. It only took 15 minutes to get to work, but I was in a different state. I liked the fact that in 1 1/2 hrs I could be in the mountains or walking along the ocean.

I found the folks from New England an easier folk,

I do not think where I lived that people even knew what stress was, I was the mad dasher from New York, the supervisor who worked along the others, and everyone thought because I was from New York that meant NY City. Well, NY is much bigger then just NYC, I am in upstate NY, we have farms around us, smell manure when the wind blows just right, an acre of lawn to mow, and 6 miles from the nearest big store.

It is nice here,

but my heart is at the ocean and mountains. For it is at the ocean and mountains I am reminded how insignificant I am in the whole scheme of life. I realize how much power there is around us that we have no control over. For those of you by the ocean, talk a deep breath of the sea breeze for me, and for those near a mountain, go for a walk and feel the crisp air, and watch the stars at night, uninterrupted by civilization. Peace to all, Good Night, Cindy

Mrs Justa and her first car

Okay , so now I will sound like my grand parents or my parents. Back in 1971, ( yes there were cars back then) I borrowed $500.00 from my older brother and his wife and bought my first car. It was a 1965 checker limousine, I kid you not. This was an old airport limousine taxi that was sold to me from Magari's Sunoco station -  I painted ( with spray paint) over the "airport" and changed it to the Smiling Limousine. I had yellow on the doors and then I painted big smiley faces, one in the trunk and one on the hood.

In the inside there was a seat in the way back, a folding seat in the middle that folded forward , a middle seat that folded up and a hug bouncy bench seat in the front. It's back door swung open the length of 2 doors, and you could fold the middle seat up so that one could sit in the way back seat and stretch your legs way out. The floor space was actually big enough that I used to say I would put a water bed in it.

Oh I loved that car, on the ceiling I had posters, and I would have sticks of incense cranked in the windows. I would sometimes pick up 10 to 12 friends, and we would go to a place called the Scene East in Syracuse and dance till the lights went out. I was the designated driver- so to speak, so I would dance but stay sober.

Oh what fun we have in our days of first cars. This car had a personality, it had a sense of affection, it was filled with memories and senses of wonder. I was a good girl, had platonic relationships, that made life fun. Getting intimately involved with guys was just not the thing to do, because once it went to intimacy than it became a commitment . It was so much fun to have fun, and just enjoy each other. No strings except the ties of friendships.

It was a good time, back in the 70's. I earned $1.35 per hr as a waitress, and paid my brother back $25.00 a week.

But ya know what, I loved that car, loved that my brother trusted me to borrow the money, and loved my life.

I hope this brings out some happy memories to you too. Love, Mrs Justa

43 Things Tags: first car,memories,friends,good times

Mrs Justa on time

43 Things Tags: time,life,seconds,moments

I once heard someone say that time must be used as a tool and not a couch. That made me think about what I do with time.

Do I take it for granted- I think I do. Do I appreciate every second given to me for my life- I think not. Before I know it my hour glass will be on the empty side of life, and what regrets might I have? What accomplishments will I have been able to say I have done.

That is a soul searching train of thoughts that I have over this one. I know I have written before and I think it all the time that this second will never be again. But thinking it and acting on it are 2 entirely different things.

I think there is a lot I have not done,that I wish I had. I have have these moments of looking at the younger people around me and envying the time they have left. I watch there accomplishments and am glad for them but in the same token it makes me aware of all the time I couched it instead of built with it.

I have not praised God as much as I should, I have not spent quality time as often as I have wanted with my family, with my friends. I have not taken time for me and Mark to enjoy life. I never went after a singing career and wished I had, I never got to stay thin, something I long for even today, I never wrote some letters that I wished I had, never wrote the book I wanted to, never entered photo contests. I must start.

My wish for you is that time as it passes does not get abused on a couch, go for your goals, seek what you are seeking, and live life. Love Cindy

Mrs Justa and the abandoned home

43 Things Tags: family,life,misfortune,loss

We have driven by this house

a number of times on our trek to the new home. It caught my eye the first time we went by, and now every time I go by it I am intrigued by it. I can not totally say why, but it makes my mind wander to days of yesteryear. In the lower window, blocked by the ferns that have consumed it, in that window is a sticker that people used to put on a pane of glass to tell the fireman that a child was sleeping in that room.

In this upstairs room, is a shade that is pulled back by the various forces within.

I wonder about the memories

in this house? Who lived there, how many children? Was it a family that was together? Or a broken home? I picture in my mind that it may have 3 bedrooms , probably one bathroom, and a dining room, living room and parlor type.

And the people, I wonder-did they love each other? Did they have dinner together? Did they read bedtime stories and sing lullabies to the children as they drifted off to sleep?

And then I wonder what happened?

At one point this home was new, the roof strong, the walls freshly painted, and windows sparkling with window covers -whether they be shades or drapes. Someone swept these floors and vacuumed the carpets, mowed the yard, maybe gardened and maybe had a dog or a cat. What made them give up? What caused them to leave? It does not look like a fire, it just looks abandoned. The building to the right, I think it might have been a garage. It might have been sideways on the land.

Now the weirdest thing

is right behind this home, I mean right behind it , is a single wide mobile home, a very old one that has also collapsed from neglect, from no one living in it and loving it. So then I wonder, did the people who built this home, did they live in the single wide while they were building this home? And if they did, what an accomplishment they must have felt to have built this home.

I just can not let this go,

I wonder where the people are now who know the stories of this home. Where are the children that once filled this home with the pitter patter of their little feet, the giggles and the sleepy tears.

I hope they individually and together

have as strong a foundation as their home appears to have, and I hope that it was not total misfortune that made them leave, but maybe they were transferred somewhere else and the home was left behind.

I hope my home never becomes lost,

abandoned like this one. I pray my home will be filled with the memories , blessings and happy times that a home is meant to be encompassed with. My love to all, and wishes that you will fill your home- wherever, what ever you call home, with joy, peace and memories. Love, Mrs Justa

43 Things Tags: home,family,love,abandoned

Mrs Justa on richness

Hello all. Somewhere in my past I read something about the poorest man leaves his children with the richest inheritance. Wow, that is really deep to me. We look for things to make us rich, to satisfy our "needs" but in looking back in my past, I knew more of my family when we had not much to spend, and had each other to keep company.

When I was a child, we were not wealthy. At least not with money, but we were rich with family bonds and moments together. We were taught about God, and Jesus and my mom sang German lullabies and hymns at times to us.

We had dinner together, we read books or sang hymns at night, we had a piano, and we would play music together, we had a black and white t.v. and we were allowed to watch good programs, no guns, no fighting, just real programs. We did not watch cartoons, we could watch the Donna Reed show, My Mother the Car, Lassie, The Wonderful World of Disney. Never was there a night we could not settle down and go to sleep because something on TV or in a book scared us. We had each other.

I look at life now, at everyone having the best, going for more, more sports for the kids to play, more camps to send kids of to, more video games, all night stores and restaurants, and I think about how the majority of people would relate if financial strain forced them to not spend, to not drive to games, to actually spend time together.

I find that this thought is true. Wealth does not have to be from money, it can be from an abundance of love, a fulfilled life of memories and appreciation for what we have instead of what we have not.

May you find the wealth in your own lives and treasure the gifts of people, and not hunger for the all mighty dollar.

Love to all, Mrs Justa

43 Things Tags: money,relationships,people

Mrs justa thinking

43 Things Tags: mistakes,fear,challenges

"The greatest mistake you will make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one." (Elbert Hibbard) This photo is an example of a mistake that worked. (courtesy of www.homeschoolfcgs.com)    How about post-its, or electricity, or brain teasers. I think that some of the things we use every day came from people not afraid to make a mistake.

Now me, well , I think I am one who spends more times fearing to take the risk. I buy something, I have to read the manual, I mean anything I buy. I have read the manual for my iron, the toaster, the nightlights. I kid you not. I want to follow the directions and get really annoyed if I am rushed and can not take the time to read it first.

If the world was depending on me- I think we would all be in caves doing the cave person stuff. No cars, phones or stores.

How about you? Are you afraid to be, afraid to take the challenge? I wish I personally knew how to get away from my fears- I probably never will though. Just for the record, it is not a fun way to be :( Love to all, take the challenge, Cindy

Mrs Justa and adversity

Mr justa was the person who always quoted W. Clement Stone to me on "Every adversity carried with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit" That, to me , is a powerful statement. When the chips are down, it is hard to see why or where the end will be. I was thinking about adversity today on my way to work. As you all know Mark has had a roller coaster of the past 19 months or so. He asks me often why did all this happen , what is the good that will come from this.

I feel foolish, for I have not an answer. Only my belief that sometimes we can not see the good in a bad situation for a long time. He is like this person who is attached to this hand in the photo. (courtesy of dalnews.dal.ca ) He knows not what he is holding onto, or why, but he is holding on for dear life. Hoping to find the answers, hoping to get out of where he is now.

He does not see it, but he and everyone who is facing challenges, they are strong people, even though at the time they feel weak, less then they are. That is so far from the truth though. So for all of you going through tough times, wondering why this is happening to you, for those who are facing challenges and knowing an easy way through it, I challenge you to take the more difficult way, and see what is at the other side of the adversity, I believe that there is good in everything that happens, just look, wait and feel. Love to all, Mrs Justa

43 Things Tags: adversity,challenges,trapped,feeling lost

Mrs Justa on happiness

Happiness, a word that automatically makes me smile.

This clip art ( courtesy of "mylemonadestand.com) makes me smile. A warm puppy, depending on you for everything, yet full of more love then a lifetime can take in. As John Dewey had once said " To find what one is fitted to and to secure an opportunity to do it is the key to happiness." Mark Twain once said "A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval" To be politically correct now- it would be a person... as to not make women feel left out.

It is true.

We have to want to be happy, we have to force ourselves to find a thing we are meant to do and do it.

What makes you happy?

It is hard to find happiness, it is very hard when you feel like life is passing you by. But happiness comes from within, and I gotta tell ya, I have had many instances in my life when I thought I would never become anything, and never find happiness. But I never gave up, I had to reach inside my soul and pull myself back up, and I am so glad I did, I have a family that loves me, a husband that treasures me, a son who my world seems to revolve for,his wife who is a woman anyone would love as a daughter, a step daughter that I am so proud of, a very special son-in-law,  a profession I adore, a few good friends and a job I enjoy most days.

What makes you smile?

Did you ever notice how a smile is contagious? Try it, smile at someone and look in their eyes, see if they smile back. Don't laugh though, they would interpret that differently then a warm smile.

What makes me smile?

(courtesy of designflute.wordpress.com ) Hugs, how more comforting is life then with hugs. People who like me. I feel worthwhile. Nursing in a hospital, because I am helping people in their most trying moments. Rainbows, they are gifts from God. They signify to me that things will get better. Babies, they are so innocent, and need lots of hugs and love. Family, because family is the thread of life, of humanity. Singing, it makes me whole. Giving to those with less then me. Christmas time, because people generally seem nicer. A gentle rain, for it is cleansing the world. A warm bath, because it encompasses my body with comfort. An old pair of sneakers, as they are just right for my feet. Lilacs- I just love the colors and the scent.

What makes you smile? Find it, and let a smile come. May you find happiness on your journey through life, Love Mrs Justa

43 Things Tags: happiness,smiles,love,family,friends

Mrs Justa and the homefront

How weird a day- I went to where we used to live, and watched the home transporters hook up to the front of our old home to deliver it to the new owners place.  Only to come to our new place and see our old home come into the housing development we have moved into .

It was so weird to see the place we had 16 yrs of memories in kind of follow us as we had left it behind.

I really did love that house, and I hope it bring the special moments to someone else that it did for us.

Unfortunately the age of the home made it impossible for us to do a land/home deal with it. We had to get a newer home.

So as our old home gets set up about half way up the road from us, here we are trying to feel at home in the new house.

There are many stressors with this move, and most are able to successfully conquer.

First is the yard, Mark loves a mowed yard and he used to mow ours when he was able. He and I did a few sessions of both mowing and we would meet wherever we ended up. This yard is definitely too big to tag team on in a 30 or 45 minute stretch- I am thinking 2 of us pushing it would be close to 2 hours.

We are going to look at riders tomorrow- see if we can find one within a certain amount of money, and have it be one that will hold up.

Mark is very worried about his future right now, his depression is enveloping his visions to an area he can not see or feel. His get up and go has got up and went. It is a struggle to do stuff, I truly believe part of this is due to the medications, and they seem to not be attacking the depression and anxiety, which is fueled by this new home, the higher bills and his lack of being able to work right now.

I gotta tell you, I fell awful for him, I do try to encourage him and tell him this is not forever, but when you are low, so low there is no light, well words are just words, kinda wasted air.

I will take a shot of the lawn machine we end up with, Jeff and Justin have committed to help us with the lawn, but I am thinking  if we had a rider, it would give Mark something he could do during the week too.Walking this yard would not be impossible, but it would be a challenge. I am willing to give it a good honest try, but I really think a rider would be better.So more to follow... have a good weekend. Love Cindy- Mrs justa

43 Things Tags: mowing,depression,home,life

Mrs Justa walking down the path with Justakrusen

This was titled "the lonely path".

I can see why. There is no real color, everything is kind of dull, there is however a ray of sunshine in the horizon. (courtest of yaadein.wordpress.com). A ray of hope, a glimmer of light. That light , as it brightens may bring color to a lonely path in life.

That is how it is right now for Mark.

He is on the lonely path. He had a blogging buddy who wrote that he felt like a "non person" right now. Well that is pretty much how Mark feels right now.

To be alone on a path,

given medication to help to sleep, help to decrease anxiety and decrease depression, but the problem ( as I see it) is that the meds can sometimes cause one to feel lost, drugged, like  zombie. It is a vicious circle, you need the meds for where you are at right now, but as you improve, are the meds making you where you are at.

For a man who his whole life has worked and worked hard,

to exist in a day to day world of having nothing to do , having doctors tell you you can not work, and not feel safe enough or secure enough to seek out other options, every day is the same, well this is hard. He does it, sometimes harder times getting through the day then other times, but he does it. And I know, that once the accentuated depression and anxiety gets in check, and the meds start to be decreased, he will see that sunlight on that lonely path. Until then, I will be his light, I will guide him down the path, and we are blessed with friends and family who are there too, who understand. He is blessed with a social worker who really cares about him and a psychiatrist who will work with him, so we are headed down the right path, it is hard, it is slow, but we will get there, and maybe one day , maybe even one day soon, he will shine through this blog as the sun is shining in the distance. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Love, Cindy and Mr Justakrusen

43 Things Tags: depression,lost,direction,hope

Mrs Justa and settling in

Ahhh. That says a lot! The house is there, the boxes and bins are mostly emptied, the truck is returned, the lawn is green and the rocks have been somewhat raked and grass seed planted around the house.

This is home, or so folks say it is. Our stuff is in it, but it is not the magic feeling of home yet. Mark is here, the dog and cat are here, Jeff and his wife Amanda have been out a few times, and Jeff, Justin, Amanda, Sarge and Jake helped to make it happen. It is weird though, it feels like we are intruding in someone else's world.

I thought it would be like in the movies- poof, ownership and lust for the new place all at once. Do not get me wrong, I think we both like it , and I think once I have everything where it belongs, I will have grown to love it too.

We do still need to get a rider, Jeff and Justin have offered to help us out through the summer so that we can maybe find a deal on one this fall.

Mark is not out of the depression funk, but ya know, little glimmers happen where I can see the shell is starting to break and he is there waiting for a new day, a new light. The drive to work has increased a little, I think tonight was the best timed ride so far, 38 minutes instead of the 28 I used to drive. So not so bad. The car is  averaging 37.5 miles per gallon, so again not so bad.

It is quiet here, yet a lot of folks drive this road we are on. The pets seem to have adjusted, another plus and we are not short on the furniture end, another good thing. An empty house is deceiving, it looks like there will never be enough furniture, but we have plenty.

I was wondering the other day what people do when they can not afford a home. We are a spoiled society, really. We feel we are entitled to need more, have more. In church they we talking about a man and his family with 6 kids who live in Honduras, they live in a 10x10 1 room home ! Imagine that- a dirt floor and all 8 of your family living in a 10x10. We need to stop, look around and be thankful for what we have. For most of us, when we think we have nothing- think about this man and his family of 8.

I am off to appreciate all we have and to see what of what we have i can share with the rescue mission, so someone else with less can benefit. Say a prayer of thanks for all you have, love, Cindy

43 Things Tags: thanks,blessing,moving

Mrs and Mr Justa have come back on line

43 Things Tags: move,being back

Hi all, Well the weekend has past and we have FINALLY moved in. Oh I think all involved found their beds more comfortable then usual on Friday night. I even took the first long soak in that garden tub early Sat morning. It was a long, hot and humid weekend, but we survivied and are on the other side, so to speak, of the nightmare of moving.

Mark was discharged Sun evening, so he got to come home to a house all unpacked. We still have pictures to hang and a few bins left, but in general, we are all unpacked.

Jeff, Amanda, Sarge and Jake THANK YOU!!!!! The rain and mud and heat, well it was an interesting day- but Saturday was 92 degrees and felt like 99 % humidity- so we were lucky to have done the move on Friday.

This is the new office, were I am typing right now, and where Mark will be coming back to also. He says hi, and appreciates everyone's concern.

I am going to reconcile the check book this evening and look at the money due this week for bills. It will be different here, but I think we will be okay. We now are responsible for our own septic, and now have taxes, at the park someone else had that . It will be nice once Mark feels more like himself, and feel less out of joint.

I am going to go for now, just wanted to saw hi--- we have returned from the dark ! Love, Cindy

Mrs justa moving day

43 Things Tags: moving,house

Ready, set , go. The foundation is done, the U haul is ordered, and here we almost go! I did go and see Mark tonight and he is still feeling pretty low ebb. He will get through this all, and I think the move behind us will certainly alleviate some of the stress.

We got the banks inspection done today, we just have to take all the furniture from here and bring it to there. UGGG!

Indi's bags are packed for a day at the kennel and I just went up and put the house number on the house, took a picture and had to send it to the bank inspector. SO a long time coming, but this is it!

Time Warner is coming out on Monday, so we should be back up then.  Have a very safe weekend everyone. Think of us as you have a moment and keep us in your prayers, Until then- peace, love and understanding, Cindy

Mrs Justa saying hi for MR Justa

Marks recliner is once again empty. He is back in the hospital getting medications changed, adjusted and hopefully able to tackle the anxiety which is at an all time max, and help with the depression. I did get to see him tonight for a little while, he was admitted this afternoon and had not yet had any meds- so he was pretty sweaty, anxious and unsure of anything. Before I left, he did have meds given. I guess Depakote is being added to the Ativan and Wellbutrin, but I am not totally sure.

So for the time being, Imus will guard his chair, well at least for the next 2 days. Friday is moving day. I will probably post for Mark tomorrow night and will do the wordpress one too. but then the computer is down until Monday.

I really do not think he will be discharged over the weekend, but I am not sure. I feel so bad for him. It is hard to watch someone feel like they have no control over their being.

As far as the move. Jeff and his good friend Gary are the guys who will make it happen. I have moved alot of the stuff in the car , and have the kitchen bathrooms and some of the spare bedroom set up. But we need furniture to put stuff in and on, I did go to Wally world and get 2 book shelves- ( those suckers were kinda bulky and weighted 70 lb each, they are camped out at the new place and Jeff said he will put them together this weekend.

I am kenneling the dog and the cat will be the last to go, after I come back and do a final cleaning here.It is going to be so nice to only have one place to reside instead of this 2 place chaos. So I am off for now, doing laundry and getting ready for one mare day of packing and moving stuff. Love to all, Cindy

43 Things Tags: Mark,in patient,depression,anxiety,the move

Mrs Justa and depression

This was titled the "black hole of my soul" courtesy of joshpoems.blogspot via google images and I thought it fascinating. This reminds me of depression, of the feeling of being deep into it and away from the real soul that is laying dormant for the time being.

It is painful to go through it and painful to watch. As most of you know, Mark is in a slump right now, feeling very anxious and depressed. Optimistically I have seen seconds of the normal Mark surface, only to get sucked back into the black hole.

At the family reunion some of my relatives told me they have been there too, they wanted me to assure him that even though it feels like this is a forever state, that it won't be. I truly believe that. I too have fought some pretty tough times in my life, when I thought I was destined to cry every weekend and to feel like life would always be a struggle. But I climbed out of the hole that was sucking the life out of me, and I can look back on it now and feel relieved it is only a vision in the rear view mirror of my life and not a reality any more.

Life is funny, we can be just full of energy and visions, and poof, within moments, something clicks and we are lucky to be able to get up out of bed.

I know, for me, that depression is in the background, and not far away in the mirror. Somehow, at least for the time being, I am able to keep it in my dust and I travel my road of life. I know there were times, when Jeff had gone to his dads for the weekend, and Mark was trucking, that the bed was a comfort, I napped all day, I know that was depression. Selfishly I would have kept Jeff every weekend, but I knew he needed to see his dad, and it was so hard on those every other weekends when he maybe would have rather stayed at my place, because I would have let him, yet I forced myself to be upbeat and tell him it would be okay. Then I would go home, and the minutes became hours and I had no ambition to do anything but sulk and let my soul get sucked into that black hole. When my marriage broke up, Jeff was what kept me together, kept me from doing anything stupid, kept me wanting to be the best for him.

My heart goes out to everyone suffering from depression, it is lonely, it feels like a forever, but it does get better. I hope you can find someone or something to help to get you from the black hole of your soul, as I found first in Jeff and my love for him, in prayer and faith that God would help me over the edge of my own black hole, and then a year later in Mark and Adrianne and the love and joy they brought to us. Please believe that, and when you can see your depression in your own rear view mirror, speed up and loose it in your dust. I love you all, Cindy

43 Things Tags: depression,loss,life,suffering

Mrs Justa and the reunion

Hello all, We are Back. Mark did go down with us which was cool, that way he was not stuck up here in this half emptied home . This is kind of depressing , the shelves

are empty and it does not feel like home. Home is made up of things and memories, without them it is more of a shell. Kind of like how Mark feels right now, like a shell of himself.

The reunion was nice. We saw 34 folks show up for it, that is good. I always wish for one year  that everyone would be there. But I also understand some do not like to camp.

We did a cabin this year. We normally camp in the state park with everyone else, but the cabin was a different experience. It was 8 miles from the park, so not too far to go to and come back to the reunion. It unfortunately became the only place that Mark stayed, but it was okay- it was safe and we were able to come back and see him.

My sister Karen and her husband Tim actually came back to the cabin to visit with Mark for a while Saturday afternoon. Jeff and Amanda and I went up there with them, and we did have a nice visit, after an hr or so we returned to the reunion for the dinner time. Mark stayed at the cabin, just not himself, very depressed and anxious, and not able to tolerate all the commotion.

But it was okay with everyone, everyone understood, and he was able to drive for 1/2 the trip both ways, which in itself is a great improvement over last Monday when driving was a task to hard to take. Our family was fun, they are so sincere and real people,  I love the gathering of everyone, to see the kids and how they have grown. To see my brothers , sisters and their spouses and just talk to them, give each other hugs and know it was a memory in time that was worth it.

I am blessed with a wonderful family, and I can not ever take that for granted. I am going to get ready for tomorrow, to finish the laundry and vacuum the house. May each of you find comfort in those that love you too. Love Cindy

43 Things Tags: depression,family,reunion,love,blessing

Mrs Justa and the 4th of July

43 Things Tags: 4th of July,camping,family,Mark

(Courtesy of  www.orientaltrading.com) The smiling faces are because Mark is home. I know he is not feeling like smiling yet, so these will have to do for now. I am smiling for him.

We have had more issues with the house and the darn getting the certificate of occupancy- but we are getting there. I had to get a certified electrician to come and inspect the place, so that was done today, needed the water district dude to inspect the water- that was done before- so he hopefully faxed it to the town, smoke detectors in every room, done and the warranty seal is there. So now the skirting and I think we are on a serious roll to move in next Friday.

My side of the family is having their reunion this weekend in Allegheny State Park. We come from Arizona, Mich, Mass, RI, Alabama, Kentucky and Syracuse area. I have 8 living brothers and sisters, some with kids that have kids of their own. It is nice to see everyone. I just found out one of my sisters rolled her car on the way down. Her daughter, son and sons friend are ok, the car and car top carrier are not. Seems she just had tires put on , and the store maybe felt lug nuts need not be tightened. So her tire fell off going 65 mph. They are all at the hospital now, about 2 1/2 hrs from here, and some of the reunion goers are going to help salvage her belongings, my brothers are driving 2 cars down instead of one- so she has a car to return in and my sister has a van and has gone to pick up the gang at the hospital. What a way to start the reunion!!

Thank God they had the car top carrier on it, I bet it cushioned the roll. My niece has some scraps, but they are all alive.

I am not leaving till tomorrow night, so no blog for the weekend, Mark may or may not go, it depends how he feels tomorrow night. It sounds like pretty good weather. Mark had rented a cabin for us about 8 mi north of the park, so we will stay at the cabin and go to the park for the gatherings. I am excited about going , yet wish Mark felt better. Now I am worried about my sister and kids, but it sounds like they are VERY lucky. Jeff and Amanda are staying with us Sat night at the cabin, we are all returning Sunday. It will be short, but nice. I hope all have a good 4th of July, stay safe, don't play with fire crackers- let the pros do it.

Love to all, Mrs and Mr Justakrusen

Mrs Justa and the pathway of life

Life is a road, a path sometimes an interstate. Life goes on until it doesn't. I find that comforting yet scary in a way. I sometimes find the pathway with a "T" in the path, and sometimes it is a total intersection. I wonder what makes me determine the path to take, the road to follow. What if I had not taken that path, would the other way end up intersecting with the way I chose down the road further?

I was visiting Mark this afternoon, and I began to think about the paths we have chosen and roads we have traveled. I was observing the people as I drove up there,  all who have different life pathways, and are where they are because of directions in crossroads that they or other folks took.

Each person has a story, each life is special to at least one other person. Each of us had a mom and dad, no matter what we felt of the mom and dad, at one point those people were filled with wonder about what their child would be like.(courtesy of windows vista)We are each here because of the choice our parents made on their own path of life.

We all came into this world innocent, with a life pathway that was many lengths, many bumps, some very smooth. What happened in the pathway to rob us of our innocence, to harden us. I don't understand. IS it that the people and incidents we have been exposed to have made us more cynical at times? Or is it that we have been treated poorly that has made us bitter?

Life's pathway choices are not only for people, all life forms take paths, and the road chosen will either direct them to a positive or a negative experience, to a more comforting or more challenging future. If these geese choose the wrong pathway, it could be fatal for them.

I know not where the current path I am on is leading to, nor do I know what lies ahead for Mark, I believe it will be less bumpy then the part we are on right now. I do know the choice he took right now was a wise choice, to be stabilized on meds  in an in patient setting, and get in control of the direction he is heading on the path, instead of the path taking control. Does that make sense? So my thought is to be careful at the intersection, make sure that you think before you make your choices, and enjoy the walk down the path of your life. You can not turn back, you must keep going forward, find peace, watch for holes, find that beam of light. May God Bless you all, Cindy

43 Things Tags: choices. life,innocent,bitterness

mrs justa and a quick note

HI all Justa quick note to let you know Mark is inpatient for trying to manage him and his side effects as they try to balance medication. I am off to sleep- this has been an incredible trying time with the move, with wanting to help Mark and not being able to, working in a new role of management at work, and trying to make this move as smooth as possible. I am exhausted, so good night, and I will be back tomorrow. Love, Cindy

Mrs Justa trying to fill Mark's cupboard with hope

This reminds me of how Mark says he feels right now. Empty, life is not colored, dizzy, nauseous, lost, wondering why all this is happening to him, to us.

He still can not eat, can not sleep, he did get an instant breakfast down this morning and 2/3rds of a grilled cheese sandwich but that is it for 2 days. His symptoms after starting the Paxil and Valium from Friday have really put him in a bad way. His eyes look weird, like he is trying to stop the room from spinning. Dry heaves, yep he is feeling really crappy.

I did call the doctors number last night and they said Paxil will make you feel nauseous, dizzy and such and as the days progress the symptoms will worse. That was day one on the Paxil and Valium.

Day 2 was much worse, more GI symptoms, and unable to walk straight cuz he is so dizzy, then feeling guilty because he feels so out of it and unable to function- so I called again today, the doctor was called by the nurse, and they said stop everything.

He is just feeling lost, and like it is not getting better. I know it takes time to find the right mix of meds, but it is hard to watch, and harder to live it I am sure.

We are still planning on the move in 2 weeks, I need to make sure we have the right day and people to assist, Earl is looking forward to getting our house, and now that I am setting it up, I can't wait till we are there. This 2 house thing is the pits.
On a brighter note, the kitchen , the 2 bathrooms and some of the bedrooms are in somewhat of order. I can not do it all, as we need bookcases and furniture to put thing in and on.

But I did get alot done, probably unpacked 30 boxes and about 20 bins. It was fun to set things up, but not fun knowing I left Mark here while he was feeling so lousy. He could not go up there though, as we have no water , so no bathrooms right now... but after tomorrow we should :) So life is an ever changing process right now, and I am assuring Mark that this is not his life forever, just we need to see what works. He has a psychiatrist and a social worker that are willing to work together, so that is great, we have our family and friends, which without all of you, it would seem senseless at times.  I see the sun on the horizon, and I know we will feel the glow. He will be okay, it is just gonna take some time.

Our thanks and love to all, Mr and Mrs Justa...

43 Things Tags: sick,depressed. bipolar disorder,medication,unpacking

Mrs Justa and the shed

Well folks yesterday was filled with stress, and frustration and disbelief. It

    And the man who came to move the shed reminded me quite a few times that it was my lucky day, because I met him.He had a task, which he took on , knowing that it was going to be difficult to get the shed out of our yard and to Fulton 8 miles away. Directly in front of our shed was the septic tank- hence he needed to lift the shed and inspire it to go angled, which he did. The person he brought to assist was advising him how the shed looked on the trailer- well the helper missed the fact the the shed was hanging off the left side by 4 feet, so the whole trip up oncoming traffic had to move over a bit to their shoulder and we thought he was going to drop it off his trailer a couple of times.

He had made mention he was going to take the shed doors off before loading it, but due to a sore wrist, he chose to not do that. He made it to the land slowly, and we had an area that was  straight back and drop,

well after he got up there he felt he had been on the job too long, so he whipped the trailer up and drove forward quickly, and ripped the shed doors off. So here we have this shed, Mark feeling like crap, Mark when he asked if he could make doors at his shop at fix these and the dude told him he had been on this job too long and he was pretty busy.  Mark told him that he really isn't a handy man and doesn't work with tools, so the dude looks at me and says Cyn can fix it then. Just take of the hinges, lay the doors on the floor of the shed, and rescrew the hinges in- real simple... gotta go.

And the creep drove off. Never to hear from him again- he did the job for the adrenaline rush, once up there, poof he did not care- he got his $300.00 plus he had us pay an extra $100.00 because it was hard to get it out of our yard.

GRRRRRRRRRRR. This guy really loved himself, and we thought he was a good guy, but after this ordeal we have found him to be an arrogant jerk who really loves himself- bad. The kiss the mirror as you walk by type love himself.

I was able to call my brother Tom, he is super handy and saved the day- as we had the POD there and needed to fill the shed, and now we had no doors. But Tom and his father in law came up, tools , screws and scrap wood, and fixed the doors so they work for now.

So the shed is loaded, and Shawn and Pat came up last evening and we got the whole POD unloaded into the house. Mark felt poorly and has really low endurance, so he helped and took breaks as needed. Shawn busted butt, and we can not thank them enough!! I went up today and did the kitchen unpacking- it took a long time but it went well. Mark came up with all the record albums about mid day- he has been feeling really lousy, he started on new meds yesterday and has nausea, numbness in his hands, really lightheaded and room spinning when he lays down, can not eat, just crappy! So he headed back home as we do not have water up there yet, and he was  in need of having a bathroom close by.

Tomorrow is working on unpacking the spare bedroom, and bathrooms. Monday the water man comes with the meter and I will try to get the certificate of occupancy the next week, once the cinder block foundation is done.

Take care all, Love Mark and Cindy alias Mr. and Mrs Justakrusen

43 Things Tags: shed,move,stress,anger,anxiety

Mrs Justa and the tug of war

Whoa, this is how our life feels right now in my semi warped mind. It represents a tug or war, a pull one way and get dragged back the other. Feeling at times like we are holding on by a thread, hoping that thread will grow stronger with the tug and not weaker. Back and forth, up and down , to me I see a shape like a bird on the right, it looks like it's bill is trying to pull on the frogs leg . See the frog shape on the left.

That is like me and Mark at times, when one of us feel weak the other tugs to keep the weak one going. I feel the events of this past 2 months have been hard, tugging on the patience,  on the heart strings, on the emotions.

It is NEVER easy to move, it is never easy to uproot your life, and then having a bipolar, manic then depressive struggle in the mix, well it is a lot of life's stressors eating away at Mark, and at me having to live it but not be able to help him out of the slump.

I am off tomorrow- the propane and the shed are the tasks of the day. The propane folks will go and put a tank in and set up the furnace and the stove. The shed dude tomorrow too.

Then we start the unload to the shed and the house. We bought drinks for the potential helpers for tomorrow and Saturday. Mark and I have been talking and he may end up going to Oswego Behavior Health clinic in the morning if he is still unable to sleep and having the racing thoughts. He does not want to leave the stuff tomorrow to me, I do not want him to prolong going up there and seeking someone to see him.I will be okay, he may need help to be okay. 

So we will see how the night goes. All who believe in God and the power of prayer, please join me in praying that he is able to find a practitioner who will care about his well being and listen to him. I know this is not as good as it gets.

Thanks to all for being there. I am actually going to post this on both my blog and his tonight incase someone goes to just one or the other. My love to all, Cindy and Mark-- Mr and Mrs Justakrusen

43 Things Tags: emotions,life,depression,stresses in life,help prayer

mrs justa stopping by

Okay folks so here it goes. Last night we had gone up to the property to stake out the area for where the shed will go. Well when we got up there, a bulldozer was still where we needed to stake it out. SO I called the construction manager and he said he would be glad to move it today when he went up to the house to re-route the water lines to accommodate the water meter that the water company needs to install.

This construction person , Bob, went up and spent 3 hrs of his day cutting the water line by the hot water heater and redirection the water lines under the house to go directly to these 2 new shut offs he had to put in.

Well he did a fairly nice job, and then tonight I find out that the landowner who sold us this property, when he did the water line from the curb to the house, he installed a "pit meter" - which is basically a deep manhole with fittings where the water meter would go into out by the curb, so now we have 2 spots for a meter to be put, and needing only one spot. So I called Bob tonight, and told him the dilemma I am in now with a place out by the curb for the water meter and now the cut lines in the utility room.

Now Bob has to get someone to come out and redo everything he just did, to put it back the way it was.

We have electric in the house, the inside is prepped, and the siding is all on the house. The POD will be delivered up there tomorrow, and Friday the shed will be taken from her to there. We really need the shed to get there in one piece, it is contingent to get a certificate of occupancy to have at least the 12x12 shed- this one is 12x16.

The water, well that is a few days away, as we have to have the taken apart line now replaced and then a meter put in the pit meter.

I am learning new things about the home set-up. It is hard, we personally have had challenges with finances, comp, Mark's past year and now the bipolar and depression taking a toll on Mark. Now at work I am newly promoted to manager of maybe 20 people and trying to get things rolling there, so all this new stuff is kinda overwhelming, but we will survive.

Pretty soon we will be settled and our life and blog will be taking new directions. Love to all, Mr and Mrs Justa.

43 Things Tags: stuff,moving,water,life

Mrs Justa and the new home

43 Things Tags: new home,moving,bi-polar,depression,changes,life

Here it is, the home to be, the place we will be moving to in a couple weeks. Well really for the next couple weeks. There are rules, and more rules. The house must have water hooked up, electric hooked up, a minimum 12x12 ft shed on the property and the foundation of the home neatly cinder blocked all prior to us receiving the certificate of occupancy. Now the codes officer did make it quite clear that until he turns our building permit into a certificate of occupancy- then our stuff can live there, but we can not.

Well it is Tues night already- we have the inside of the house seemly done, but there is the lack of electricity, water and the foundation- so it looks like this weekend our stuff will gradually be finding it's own spots, but our bodies will still be resting on pillows at our current home. The POD will go up Thursday and the shed on Friday-Sean and Pat have offered to come PODING on Friday night, and then Les and Barb are coming over Saturday. So maybe we can do it all this weekend. That gives me the remaining 2 weeks till the U haul arrives, to unpack the bins and boxes and try to organize our stuff .

So the big day of moving the rest of the furniture is the 12th of July. Hopefully ( Mark hates when I say hopefully---too optimistic right now for him ) but hopefully, we should have the lacking components to make the codes officer happy.

Mark, well he is hanging in there, low ebb is an understatement right now. His social worker called him today and told him to just stop the Lithium- cold turkey ( Stan will be glad to hear that I am sure). He has only been on it for 13 days, so he should not have serious consequences stopping it, and maybe ( hopefully) he will begin to feel more like Mr Justakrusen for a bruisen ( that is to you Precious Rock) and less like an old discarded rag. Craig and Diane and Justana- you are right, things will get better, even though this seems like where normal will be to him, it is a glitch in the road, a pot hole maybe.

I am note sure when he will feel better, but I do believe the Lithium and he are not good partners. He has gone into some deep depression in these past 2 weeks. But I always reminds myself- we can not get to the top of the mountain be leaping- we have to take one step at a time. And sometimes we have to go in a different direction to overcome obstacles, but one step at a time.

Until he is up and running again, I will try to keep you posted. Looks like it will be around 7-10-08 before we go off line for about 4 days- so for now- thanks everyone for being there, you have no idea how special you all are. My love and best wishes go out to all, Love , Mrs Justa for the person who so often is the Wind Beneath My Wings

Mrs Justa filling in

For all who suffer from depression, bipolar, or the combination, I wish I could push the woes of the affects of it away like this bulldozer pushes the world away. I am torn in many directions by feeling desperate to help Mark, and being unable to help in ways he needs, and I see the blogging buddies out there, and everyone seems to have problems at times with the system, with the lack of understanding of the disorder. I am torn by the lack of society's acceptance and ability to treat those with mental issues the same as those with a broken arm, or an upper respiratory infection.

This is  real folks, this is life, and everyone , no matter what their issues medically need help at times.

As most of you know, Mark has been tossed around this last 1 1/2 years by his ortho, his misfortune with that post op infection and now a disabled leg, and with the depressions and the bipolar. I feel at a great loss, for I am unable to fix things. I have tried, oh I have tried hard, but I am only me and the big brother side of life is way too big at times.

I read the other folks that have supported Mark and are dealing with trying times right now, and I can not thank you enough for being there to support one another, when folks who do not have bipolar can not comprehend. I feel terrible for this unbelievable dilemma that Mark is in. He is on Lithium, having side affects and no one to advise him what to do. Does he wean himself off it? does he continue to go on until someone tells him what to do? Do we bite the bullet and just go to the ER in Oswego where his psychiatrist will be once he sees the doctor in August.

My answers are not good enough, I am one person trying to logically make solutions out of a system, that in my mind, has malfunctioned. Mark does not have the ability to write tonight, he is feeling unmotivated and frustrated at the moment. So to Stan, as to Mark, I say hang in there. My words are sincere, although they may seem cheap. Things happen for a reason, and the reasons are sometimes so hard to see while we are going through trying times. There are quite a few of you who have been there for Mark, and again I say thanks. He asked if I would post for him, so I am posting here tonight, instead of on the wordpress. My wishes and love to all, Cindy ( alias Mrs Justa)

43 Things Tags: life,mental health,discouragement

I'm justa trying to be normal! Whatever normal is!

I really don't feel like writing much right now. I think it will reflect in this post. I don't want to get on here and just complain so I refuse to do so. Saturday was a pretty busy day. We started it out with our regular trip out for breakfast to Mimi's in Fulton, Ny. Shawn and Pat were able to accompany us this week as he didn't have to work until 1:00 pm. After breakfast we took them up to show them the progress on the property with the new slab and such. On Monday they are bringing the home up and placing it on the pad.

Cindy and I came home from breakfast and we both tackled mowing the yard. I'm able to last about 15 min before my knee gets tired. So I helped with the back yard and Cindy finished the front. That will be the last time the yard gets mowed before we move.

After mowing we went to Cindy's Brothers Tom's house for Kyle's graduation party. It was nice to see some people we don't get to see all the time. The kids all seemed to have a good time although they were having a drinking contest of sorts that I'm sure some of them will be paying for this morning as they try to get up. I'm glad I out grew those times

After we left the party our son Jeff and his wife Amanda came over and helped us empty out the rest of the shed and put it in the pod. The Shed is now ready to move up to the land. We just have to let the guy know when to pick it up and will probably follow it up to show him where to put it. We are thinking Thursday maybe.

I want to give a shout out to my blogging buddies PreciousRock and Stan who are both going through a rough patch right now too. It must be something in the air guys. We have to just keep putting one foot in front of the other . Quitting isn't an option. We signed up for the whole rollercoaster ride. No getting off till the ride gets to the end. Maybe it's more like a Merry go Round huh!!

Have a great day. I will post again soon I hope.