Mrs Justa walking down the path with Justakrusen

This was titled "the lonely path".

I can see why. There is no real color, everything is kind of dull, there is however a ray of sunshine in the horizon. (courtest of yaadein.wordpress.com). A ray of hope, a glimmer of light. That light , as it brightens may bring color to a lonely path in life.

That is how it is right now for Mark.

He is on the lonely path. He had a blogging buddy who wrote that he felt like a "non person" right now. Well that is pretty much how Mark feels right now.

To be alone on a path,

given medication to help to sleep, help to decrease anxiety and decrease depression, but the problem ( as I see it) is that the meds can sometimes cause one to feel lost, drugged, like  zombie. It is a vicious circle, you need the meds for where you are at right now, but as you improve, are the meds making you where you are at.

For a man who his whole life has worked and worked hard,

to exist in a day to day world of having nothing to do , having doctors tell you you can not work, and not feel safe enough or secure enough to seek out other options, every day is the same, well this is hard. He does it, sometimes harder times getting through the day then other times, but he does it. And I know, that once the accentuated depression and anxiety gets in check, and the meds start to be decreased, he will see that sunlight on that lonely path. Until then, I will be his light, I will guide him down the path, and we are blessed with friends and family who are there too, who understand. He is blessed with a social worker who really cares about him and a psychiatrist who will work with him, so we are headed down the right path, it is hard, it is slow, but we will get there, and maybe one day , maybe even one day soon, he will shine through this blog as the sun is shining in the distance. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Love, Cindy and Mr Justakrusen

43 Things Tags: depression,lost,direction,hope

Mrs Justa and settling in

Ahhh. That says a lot! The house is there, the boxes and bins are mostly emptied, the truck is returned, the lawn is green and the rocks have been somewhat raked and grass seed planted around the house.

This is home, or so folks say it is. Our stuff is in it, but it is not the magic feeling of home yet. Mark is here, the dog and cat are here, Jeff and his wife Amanda have been out a few times, and Jeff, Justin, Amanda, Sarge and Jake helped to make it happen. It is weird though, it feels like we are intruding in someone else's world.

I thought it would be like in the movies- poof, ownership and lust for the new place all at once. Do not get me wrong, I think we both like it , and I think once I have everything where it belongs, I will have grown to love it too.

We do still need to get a rider, Jeff and Justin have offered to help us out through the summer so that we can maybe find a deal on one this fall.

Mark is not out of the depression funk, but ya know, little glimmers happen where I can see the shell is starting to break and he is there waiting for a new day, a new light. The drive to work has increased a little, I think tonight was the best timed ride so far, 38 minutes instead of the 28 I used to drive. So not so bad. The car is  averaging 37.5 miles per gallon, so again not so bad.

It is quiet here, yet a lot of folks drive this road we are on. The pets seem to have adjusted, another plus and we are not short on the furniture end, another good thing. An empty house is deceiving, it looks like there will never be enough furniture, but we have plenty.

I was wondering the other day what people do when they can not afford a home. We are a spoiled society, really. We feel we are entitled to need more, have more. In church they we talking about a man and his family with 6 kids who live in Honduras, they live in a 10x10 1 room home ! Imagine that- a dirt floor and all 8 of your family living in a 10x10. We need to stop, look around and be thankful for what we have. For most of us, when we think we have nothing- think about this man and his family of 8.

I am off to appreciate all we have and to see what of what we have i can share with the rescue mission, so someone else with less can benefit. Say a prayer of thanks for all you have, love, Cindy

43 Things Tags: thanks,blessing,moving

Mrs and Mr Justa have come back on line

43 Things Tags: move,being back

Hi all, Well the weekend has past and we have FINALLY moved in. Oh I think all involved found their beds more comfortable then usual on Friday night. I even took the first long soak in that garden tub early Sat morning. It was a long, hot and humid weekend, but we survivied and are on the other side, so to speak, of the nightmare of moving.

Mark was discharged Sun evening, so he got to come home to a house all unpacked. We still have pictures to hang and a few bins left, but in general, we are all unpacked.

Jeff, Amanda, Sarge and Jake THANK YOU!!!!! The rain and mud and heat, well it was an interesting day- but Saturday was 92 degrees and felt like 99 % humidity- so we were lucky to have done the move on Friday.

This is the new office, were I am typing right now, and where Mark will be coming back to also. He says hi, and appreciates everyone's concern.

I am going to reconcile the check book this evening and look at the money due this week for bills. It will be different here, but I think we will be okay. We now are responsible for our own septic, and now have taxes, at the park someone else had that . It will be nice once Mark feels more like himself, and feel less out of joint.

I am going to go for now, just wanted to saw hi--- we have returned from the dark ! Love, Cindy

Mrs justa moving day

43 Things Tags: moving,house

Ready, set , go. The foundation is done, the U haul is ordered, and here we almost go! I did go and see Mark tonight and he is still feeling pretty low ebb. He will get through this all, and I think the move behind us will certainly alleviate some of the stress.

We got the banks inspection done today, we just have to take all the furniture from here and bring it to there. UGGG!

Indi's bags are packed for a day at the kennel and I just went up and put the house number on the house, took a picture and had to send it to the bank inspector. SO a long time coming, but this is it!

Time Warner is coming out on Monday, so we should be back up then.  Have a very safe weekend everyone. Think of us as you have a moment and keep us in your prayers, Until then- peace, love and understanding, Cindy

Mrs Justa saying hi for MR Justa

Marks recliner is once again empty. He is back in the hospital getting medications changed, adjusted and hopefully able to tackle the anxiety which is at an all time max, and help with the depression. I did get to see him tonight for a little while, he was admitted this afternoon and had not yet had any meds- so he was pretty sweaty, anxious and unsure of anything. Before I left, he did have meds given. I guess Depakote is being added to the Ativan and Wellbutrin, but I am not totally sure.

So for the time being, Imus will guard his chair, well at least for the next 2 days. Friday is moving day. I will probably post for Mark tomorrow night and will do the wordpress one too. but then the computer is down until Monday.

I really do not think he will be discharged over the weekend, but I am not sure. I feel so bad for him. It is hard to watch someone feel like they have no control over their being.

As far as the move. Jeff and his good friend Gary are the guys who will make it happen. I have moved alot of the stuff in the car , and have the kitchen bathrooms and some of the spare bedroom set up. But we need furniture to put stuff in and on, I did go to Wally world and get 2 book shelves- ( those suckers were kinda bulky and weighted 70 lb each, they are camped out at the new place and Jeff said he will put them together this weekend.

I am kenneling the dog and the cat will be the last to go, after I come back and do a final cleaning here.It is going to be so nice to only have one place to reside instead of this 2 place chaos. So I am off for now, doing laundry and getting ready for one mare day of packing and moving stuff. Love to all, Cindy

43 Things Tags: Mark,in patient,depression,anxiety,the move