Mrs Justa and the teeth ache

Okay, go figure, it is the week of a holiday and I do not have one toothache, I have the whole left side of my face hurting. Now I do not mean a dull ache, I mean the kind that makes me want to stand up and salute the darn pain so it will go away.

Now bear in mind that this is the side of my mouth that has had all the attention in the past few years. Probably in the tune of 2-3,000 buckaroonies of work when you combine what we have paid and the insurance company has paid, bridges, caps, redone fillings.

So yesterday my dentist took me in and x rayed all over, can not find why it is acting up. And I personally am not turned on by having all my bridge work removed. The x rays looked okay for what he could see among the hardware. The consensus is a lower left sinus infection that may be pushing on the roots of the teeth which run very close to the bottom of the sinus. So I am on some good ol penicillin, and I am really hoping it is what it is and it cures the pain. 

It only hurts if they are exposed to cold or hot. So I will put my turkey on a plate before everyone else on Thursday and let everything cool down to room temperature.

The pain is eye crossing when it flairs up, at work today I had an episode of pain when my lunch had not quite cooled down enough, nope I needed my instant oatmeal to get to room temp. Once the pain flairs up, is takes a long while to settle down. As I am writing this, well it is flared again, the water I just had must have been too cool.

Ahhhhhhhhhh I am really looking at my thankfulness of many things, the teeth... well that is not on my list , just thankful when the pain goes away for a while. Peace to all, Love mrs Justa

43 Things Tags: toothache,holidays,dental work,pain

Mrs Justa walking down the path with Justakrusen

This was titled "the lonely path".

I can see why. There is no real color, everything is kind of dull, there is however a ray of sunshine in the horizon. (courtest of yaadein.wordpress.com). A ray of hope, a glimmer of light. That light , as it brightens may bring color to a lonely path in life.

That is how it is right now for Mark.

He is on the lonely path. He had a blogging buddy who wrote that he felt like a "non person" right now. Well that is pretty much how Mark feels right now.

To be alone on a path,

given medication to help to sleep, help to decrease anxiety and decrease depression, but the problem ( as I see it) is that the meds can sometimes cause one to feel lost, drugged, like  zombie. It is a vicious circle, you need the meds for where you are at right now, but as you improve, are the meds making you where you are at.

For a man who his whole life has worked and worked hard,

to exist in a day to day world of having nothing to do , having doctors tell you you can not work, and not feel safe enough or secure enough to seek out other options, every day is the same, well this is hard. He does it, sometimes harder times getting through the day then other times, but he does it. And I know, that once the accentuated depression and anxiety gets in check, and the meds start to be decreased, he will see that sunlight on that lonely path. Until then, I will be his light, I will guide him down the path, and we are blessed with friends and family who are there too, who understand. He is blessed with a social worker who really cares about him and a psychiatrist who will work with him, so we are headed down the right path, it is hard, it is slow, but we will get there, and maybe one day , maybe even one day soon, he will shine through this blog as the sun is shining in the distance. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Love, Cindy and Mr Justakrusen

43 Things Tags: depression,lost,direction,hope

Mrs Justa trying to fill Mark's cupboard with hope

This reminds me of how Mark says he feels right now. Empty, life is not colored, dizzy, nauseous, lost, wondering why all this is happening to him, to us.

He still can not eat, can not sleep, he did get an instant breakfast down this morning and 2/3rds of a grilled cheese sandwich but that is it for 2 days. His symptoms after starting the Paxil and Valium from Friday have really put him in a bad way. His eyes look weird, like he is trying to stop the room from spinning. Dry heaves, yep he is feeling really crappy.

I did call the doctors number last night and they said Paxil will make you feel nauseous, dizzy and such and as the days progress the symptoms will worse. That was day one on the Paxil and Valium.

Day 2 was much worse, more GI symptoms, and unable to walk straight cuz he is so dizzy, then feeling guilty because he feels so out of it and unable to function- so I called again today, the doctor was called by the nurse, and they said stop everything.

He is just feeling lost, and like it is not getting better. I know it takes time to find the right mix of meds, but it is hard to watch, and harder to live it I am sure.

We are still planning on the move in 2 weeks, I need to make sure we have the right day and people to assist, Earl is looking forward to getting our house, and now that I am setting it up, I can't wait till we are there. This 2 house thing is the pits.
On a brighter note, the kitchen , the 2 bathrooms and some of the bedrooms are in somewhat of order. I can not do it all, as we need bookcases and furniture to put thing in and on.

But I did get alot done, probably unpacked 30 boxes and about 20 bins. It was fun to set things up, but not fun knowing I left Mark here while he was feeling so lousy. He could not go up there though, as we have no water , so no bathrooms right now... but after tomorrow we should :) So life is an ever changing process right now, and I am assuring Mark that this is not his life forever, just we need to see what works. He has a psychiatrist and a social worker that are willing to work together, so that is great, we have our family and friends, which without all of you, it would seem senseless at times.  I see the sun on the horizon, and I know we will feel the glow. He will be okay, it is just gonna take some time.

Our thanks and love to all, Mr and Mrs Justa...

43 Things Tags: sick,depressed. bipolar disorder,medication,unpacking

Mrs Justa filling in

For all who suffer from depression, bipolar, or the combination, I wish I could push the woes of the affects of it away like this bulldozer pushes the world away. I am torn in many directions by feeling desperate to help Mark, and being unable to help in ways he needs, and I see the blogging buddies out there, and everyone seems to have problems at times with the system, with the lack of understanding of the disorder. I am torn by the lack of society's acceptance and ability to treat those with mental issues the same as those with a broken arm, or an upper respiratory infection.

This is  real folks, this is life, and everyone , no matter what their issues medically need help at times.

As most of you know, Mark has been tossed around this last 1 1/2 years by his ortho, his misfortune with that post op infection and now a disabled leg, and with the depressions and the bipolar. I feel at a great loss, for I am unable to fix things. I have tried, oh I have tried hard, but I am only me and the big brother side of life is way too big at times.

I read the other folks that have supported Mark and are dealing with trying times right now, and I can not thank you enough for being there to support one another, when folks who do not have bipolar can not comprehend. I feel terrible for this unbelievable dilemma that Mark is in. He is on Lithium, having side affects and no one to advise him what to do. Does he wean himself off it? does he continue to go on until someone tells him what to do? Do we bite the bullet and just go to the ER in Oswego where his psychiatrist will be once he sees the doctor in August.

My answers are not good enough, I am one person trying to logically make solutions out of a system, that in my mind, has malfunctioned. Mark does not have the ability to write tonight, he is feeling unmotivated and frustrated at the moment. So to Stan, as to Mark, I say hang in there. My words are sincere, although they may seem cheap. Things happen for a reason, and the reasons are sometimes so hard to see while we are going through trying times. There are quite a few of you who have been there for Mark, and again I say thanks. He asked if I would post for him, so I am posting here tonight, instead of on the wordpress. My wishes and love to all, Cindy ( alias Mrs Justa)

43 Things Tags: life,mental health,discouragement