Friday, July 25, 2008

Mrs Justa and the homefront

How weird a day- I went to where we used to live, and watched the home transporters hook up to the front of our old home to deliver it to the new owners place.  100_1616Only to come to our new place and see our old home come into the housing development we have moved into .

It was so weird to see the place we had 16 yrs of memories in kind of follow us as we had left it behind.

I really did love that house, and I hope it bring the special moments to someone else that it did for us.

Unfortunately the age of the home made it impossible for us to do a land/home deal with it. We had to get a newer home.

So 100_1631as our old home gets set up about half way up the road from us, here we are trying to feel at home in the new house.

There are many stressors with this move, and most are able to successfully conquer.

First is the yard, Mark loves a mowed yard and he used to mow ours when he was able. He and I did a few sessions of both mowing and we would meet wherever we ended up. This yard is definitely too big to tag team on in a 30 or 45 minute stretch- I am thinking 2 of us pushing it would be close to 2 hours.

We are going to look at riders tomorrow- see if we can find one within a certain amount of money, and have it be one that will hold up.

Mark is very worried about his future right now, his depression is enveloping his visions to an area he can not see or feel. His get up and go has got up and went. It is a struggle to do stuff, I truly believe part of this is due to the medications, and they seem to not be attacking the depression and anxiety, which is fueled by this new home, the higher bills and his lack of being able to work right now.

I gotta tell you, I fell awful for him, I do try to encourage him and tell him this is not forever, but when you are low, so low there is no light, well words are just words, kinda wasted air.

I will take a shot of the lawn machine we end up with, Jeff and Justin have committed to help us with the lawn, but I am thinking  if we had a rider, it would give Mark something he could do during the week too.Walking this yard would not be impossible, but it would be a challenge. I am willing to give it a good honest try, but I really think a rider would be better.So more to follow... have a good weekend. Love Cindy- Mrs justa

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Monday, July 21, 2008

Mrs Justa walking down the path with Justakrusen

This was titled "the lonely path".

I can see why. There is no real color, everything is kind of dull, there is however a ray of sunshine in the horizon. (courtest of image A ray of hope, a glimmer of light. That light , as it brightens may bring color to a lonely path in life.

That is how it is right now for Mark.

He is on the lonely path. He had a blogging buddy who wrote that he felt like a "non person" right now. Well that is pretty much how Mark feels right now.

To be alone on a path,

given medication to help to sleep, help to decrease anxiety and decrease depression, but the problem ( as I see it) is that the meds can sometimes cause one to feel lost, drugged, like  zombie. It is a vicious circle, you need the meds for where you are at right now, but as you improve, are the meds making you where you are at.

For a man who his whole life has worked and worked hard,

to exist in a day to day world of having nothing to do , having doctors tell you you can not work, and not feel safe enough or secure enough to seek out other options, every day is the same, well this is hard. He does it, sometimes harder times getting through the day then other times, but he does it. And I know, that once the accentuated depression and anxiety gets in check, and the meds start to be decreased, he will see that sunlight on that lonely path. Until then, I will be his light, I will guide him down the path, and we are blessed with friends and family who are there too, who understand. He is blessed with a social worker who really cares about him and a psychiatrist who will work with him, so we are headed down the right path, it is hard, it is slow, but we will get there, and maybe one day , maybe even one day soon, he will shine through this blog as the sun is shining in the distance. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Love, Cindy and Mr Justakrusen

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