Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Mrs Justa and depression within

Louis L'Amour once said' It is always easier to travel then to stop. As long as one travels toward a promise land, the dream is there; to stop means to face reality"

That is pretty heavy in the reflection of my life. I am always going, always busy. Cleaning, cooking, working, singing, always doing something. I love to be busy, but is it that I love to be busy so I do not have to face me? 

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When I have been stopped, mostly due to a medical reason, like a fracture or after a surgery, or maybe with the flu, that is when reality comes up to my face real close!

I remember back when I had had ankle surgery, and the simple procedure had become complicated and I was non weight bearing for 6 weeks. In the beginning the pain was incredible, and I was hostage to the recliner. I found a dark side of me, it is probably always there, but when I am buzzing around, it is hidden .

I found I slept, I found I felt depressed, I found I felt like " Is that all there is" about my life in general.Captive within myself.  I watched Jerry Springer and divorce court to feel better about my hostage life in the blue recliner.

I would watch TV and see people who appeared to have it all, money with no end, unending time to travel, incredible homes, always friends over for parties, it just made me feel like my homebodiness was abnormal.

It is weird, but I feel like a misfit when I stop and really think about reality. I am not the model on TV, or the wealthy person with a social calendar that is unending, I am plain ol me. I think I like who me is. Yeah I do. I love existing with my family, I love being home, I hate crowds, I like watching the same sappy movie over and over again, I like singing to the karaoke songs, I love cleaning and mowing, sewing and taking photos, doing some crafts. I love nursing, love being nice to people, love helping others, love going to church. But am I blah?

So I must keep busy, keep traveling through life, that keeps the dark side covered and the road moving.

So I am off to be busy, bills to pay, laundry to wash... busy me.... Love to all, Mrs Justa.

2 comments:

preciousrock said...

Interesting quote! Very true also. I am the very same way...have to keep busy, busy and always be looking forward to something new or I get depressed and stop to take stock of my very dull existence.

Mark Krusen said...

Precious. Mark here,staying busy ain't to bad. I wish I was better at staying busy myself. Glad your back up and running with your new puter. I check your blog out every day. Keep your chin up.