Mrs Justa on time

43 Things Tags: time,friends,family,loss,treaured moments

" If I could save time in a bottle, this first thing that I'ld like to do, is to >>>" How would you finish that sentence? I am pondering this as I hear the tons of news reports going over the devastation from this most recent hurricane. And thinking of those who chose to stay behind, to challenge the storm, those whose lives may in danger, and I wonder what they would save if they could save time in a bottle.

Would it be the challenge of fighting a force much bigger then we are? Would it be special moments with a friend, a loved one, a moment , what would it be?

For me, I would save times of freedom from stress, I would save minutes with precious people that have passed on, I would save my sons laughter as a toddler and child, I would save cuddling him at night and reading to him. I would save the moment I met Mark, and the moment I meant my first husband, the moment I graduated from nursing school, watching my son graduate from high school, watching him and Adrianne graduate from college, Watching them both marry the love of their lives, the first time I held Brandon,sitting on my dads lap ( God I miss him so), my mom's wisdom, having good friends, feeling wanted. That would be what I would save in a bottle. How about you? My prayers that you treasure those special moments, Cindy

Mrs Justa and Mr Justa

43 Things Tags: llife,depression,Mark,Healing,improving

Don't look too quick, or you will miss him. Here he is. Mr Justa. This recliner has been his support, his comfort, his life for the majority of the past year and 2/3rds. He is trying to get better, trying to overcome the obstacles that life has in his path. Indi is always by his side, as he is in this shot. Indi is a good companion, although there are times when he can be a pest, wanting to play ball over and over again.

Mr Justa is coming out of the depression. He is beginning to see light instead of darkness. I AM THRILLED. I know it takes a long time to overcome the lowest part of depression, it hurts to watch someone go through it, and it is hard being a cheerleader to someone who can't believe what you are saying. But my cheering will continue, I will support him through this all, and I know things will continue to improve.

Life at the house is okay, Money is incredibly tight, but money is not everything. I had a doctors appointment this afternoon, so I took 1/2 a day off, and we tag teamed mowed after I got home. Mark uses the rider, I pushed around the parameter of the house, the shed and around the bushes that line the property line.

It took us about an hr, it was 70 degrees out, a slight breeze, it felt good and it looks great.

I want to thank everyone for their prayers and well wishes for Mark and his recovery. Without them  this would be much tougher. And I do believe soon, there may be more of MR Justa and less of me. Love to all, Mrs Justa.

Mrs Justa and the proverbial fruits

43 Things Tags: life,expectations,earning things

There is an old Greek Proverb " He who will have the fruit must climb the tree" (Courtesy of picasaweb.google.com)

That is so true. We must earn what we want out of life, work for it, Nothing should come easy. I see kids that have everything handed to them on a platter- and as they grow up, they expect for things to be handed to them. They expect that life owes them instead of that life is waiting for them to earn it.

I was in a management class a few months ago, and it was delineating the different generations and how the societal environment makes people different in their life and work ethics. Now I really HATE generalizing, and I know there are some people no matter what generation that do not fit the mold. The idea of the class was to show how we stereo type ages, and also that different generation groups are different in their expectations and their feelings of entitlement or appreciation.

I do find there is a difference. Again, it is not across the board. However, when I have worked with the 50-65 age group they are normally always on time, they tend to try hard to keep their job, they do not gripe about others and they are frugal.

The 30-40 age group are more computer savvy, carry themselves about differently, maybe even with more confidence, sometimes - and it may not be aware to them, but a sense of arrogance at times.

The 20-30 yr olds seem to have a little less understanding of how precious every minute is at work. You can catch them sneaking in text messages at times, chit chatting when work is piling up , sneaking in 5-15 minutes late, they are hard workers, when they are working, but sometimes seem to be lax.

I found this in various settings of where I have worked , where I shop or do business, and again it is not always, not everyone, but it is definitely apparent if you look for it. We all have to remember that life is not meant to be handed on a silver platter, and to appreciate something, it needs to be felt, earned, and a challenge to get.

Good luck in your endeavors, and until later, I am going to sign off and pick some proverbial fruits. Love, Mrs Justa

Mrs Justa feeling lost...

I feel like a lost soul on the cyberspace road way. Have I told ya that I sometimes HATE computers... well tonight is one of those nights. I came in to update our excel file of our expenses in the checking account and all is gone! It says it does not recognize the format or the program it was done on- yet it was done on this computer. I had it stored on a g drive- guess that was not a good idea. The fricken g drive ate my information.

So here we are faced with having to reenter all the info--- grrrr.

Hand written ledgers never did that. Yes, I feel like I am rambling on this path, not sure where I am headed, have no idea where all my stuff has gone, and feeling like there is  no end.

Kinda felt that way in the moving adventure a few months ago, I kept packing, and there was more to pack, more to move, more to reorganize. I swear I will NEVER move again. I am sure PR can relate to that right now!

Going around the kitchen still it is like where's Waldo trying to remember where I placed some item that is not often used.
I laugh at myself, as I open a cupboard to see if I chose the right door. It will probably take me another few months before I get it all straight.

Mark said he will help me with this excel nightmare this weekend, I am going to at least start reentering the info tonight. But I gotta tell ya, it is really yanking my chain! So as I stroll through the last 3 + months of check ledgers, think of me as I fumble through the seemingly endless path . Love to all, Mrs Justa. ( PS Mr Justa is coming along, a little at a time, he is here in spirit !)

43 Things Tags: lost,computers,dreading

Mrs Justa on abuse

43 Things Tags: abuse,harm,being blind,helping a child

"Somebody cries in the middle of the night
The neighbors hear, but they turn out the lights
A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate
When morning comes it'll be too late

Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel

A statue stands in a shaded place
An angel girl with an upturned face
A name is written on a polished rock
A broken heart that the world forgot

Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel" 

Today is dedicated to a little girl I do not know,

a little girl that the news clips say was murdered. A homicide they say. This song I have sung in karaoke bars, Martina McBride sang this song a few years back. No one really knows the story of this child, or many more like her, but the thought of going through life, however long it may be, and being abused, it is so troubling to me. Abuse is a game of Satan, it eats those victims alive, it mars and scars them , and often, no one sees the scars or ugliness.

Oh people can assume, or after something happens and it is known this person is a victim, then we can look in our rear view mirrors of life and say- I should have seen it, I should have known. May you rest in peace , oh little one, and may the gates of heaven and the golden streets, take away all your pain.

And please, if you think there is a child in need, do not turn away, call and leave a tip on a hot line or to the police. Love and peace, Cindy

Mrs Justa and never claiming to be MR Justa...

43 Things Tags: depression,anxiety,overwhelmed,Mark,disappointment

I was reading some of the blogs of friends Mark had encountered during his blogging days and on one there were some comments posted that referred to Mark's blog and that "I took it over".  I must admit I was hurt, maybe disappointed in the misinterpretation of my intent of writing on this blog. I am unaware how many of you have ever dealt with SEVERE depression, the kind that sucks your energy out, the kind that makes every day seem worthless, the kind that makes a person not care about a darn thing. Well when Mark hit low, I knew he had blogging friends so I thought I would post on what was going on, I guess I was doing it because I thought people cared about what was happening.And I truly believe that some have appreciated it.

I did it so that once MR Justa ( Mark) felt he was able to jump on, you would already know what had happened in the past months. In doing this, there have been some people who have continued to comment, and as soon as I see a comment I thought I was posting it. There are people who have commented that I felt a bond with, because they are so real, so sincere.

I have NEVER screened comments or chosen not to post them. I do however not get on line every day. My job takes me away from home 12 - 13 hrs a day. I manage about 20 people and often have things I bring home with me to do.

I have a house to run, a husband who is healing , a dog, cat and parakeet, and now a new grandson. Life is so busy for me. We have just moved into a new place and there have been a lot of things I have had to help out with, if not do myself. Marks depression and very low state caused him to be admitted 2 times in patient, so along with the hrs I worked, I too had the 50 mile one way trek to the hospital every day. And I would not change anything I have had to do.

I never meant to disappoint anyone, and for the person who commented the "something is just not right"- well I gotta agree with you,our life here has not felt right for a very long time. I can not possibly every expect to be Mark on line, again that was not my intent. I am not versed on bi-polar--- so referencing this site for bi-polar right now is probably not a great reference. Marks doc says he has depression and anxiety disorder and not bi-polar--- I do not know. I used this photo because it represents the void that is felt by him not posting, and again, I will post, but it is not to "take over" Mark's site, it was because I love him, and he really worked hard to make this site what it was, so my intent was to give it some oxygen, to keep it alive, until one day he begins to feel alive again too.

Mrs Justa Believing there is a plan

43 Things Tags: Plan,God,blessings,trials,hurt,belief,faith

There was a song

I used to sing at church called "I Believe" And some of the lyrics were:

"I believe for every drop of rain that falls a flower grows......

I believe above the storm the smallest prayer can still be heard....

Every time I hear a new born baby cry, or touch a leaf , or see the sky,

Then I know why I believe......."

Is this not the utmost truth.

Life is not something that just happens, it is a miracle. Whether it is the garden that blossoms, the vegetables that grow tall from a small packet of seed, the child that is born. This does not just happen as a freak of nature.
I believe there is a plan for each of us, for everything. I believe that we need to appreciate what we have been blessed with. I believe in God and I believe the is a reason for everything.

I believe when there is a time

that hurt knocks on our door of life and weighs heavy on our hearts, that eventually we will see what was in the plan , why did whatever happen?

I look at our grandson in this picture,

this little bundle of joy, so close yet so far away, as he lays in an intensive care unit, being cared for by health professionals when his parents are not there, and health professionals an alarm sound away when his parents are there. We will know why this all happened at some point. I can not say why right now. I have thoughts, but they are just thoughts.

Why is everything not great and rosy?

Why are the winters so harsh? Why are there divorces? Why are there injuries?

I am always looking for what good came out of something bad, something terrible. Sometimes it can be a long time before we can see it, but it is there.

So sleep tight little Brandon,

and continue to get strong. And for everyone who is going through tough times, look beyond the tough area, look for a glimmer, a tiny ray of sun, look inside yourself for the hidden strength, for without hurt the heart is hollow- and I for one can testify, by heart has gotta be far from hollow.

Peace, faith , and believing in good things are wishes I have for you. Love, Mrs Justa, filling in for the slowly healing Mr Justa :)

Mrs Justa and a peek at the special boy

43 Things Tags: Brandon,baby,grandparents,life,blessing

Now tell me he does not look comfy! This is Brandon, our new grandson. We have not yet been formally introduced, cuz the lil guy came into the world 6 wks early. But here he is. He may get out of the intensive care area next week, but we are not sure. Jeff and Amanda are going up to see him as much as they can. He was born this past Tuesday.

So now we are Mr and Mrs Granjusta I guess. Life is so precious, babies are such a blessing, and life is so very unpredictable. I am working on some cloth books that I am trying to bring back to life right now, Jeff had washed them and they got a little misshapen, So I am off to be grandma repairing the babies books.

But I wanted to do a quick blog- to show you our new member to our family :)

Mom and dad are good, and Brandon.. he will be just fine. Love always, Mrs Justa

Mrs Justa and the morning workout

Day one of my journey and Satan did not win! Nope I hopped on this bike, in my jammies this morning and rode for 15 minutes. It was about 5:20, so I did not have a really long time, but it did feel good. I will shoot for tomorrow and the tread mill:) It was a good feeling, tough, but good. Work is chaotic right now , to say the least, so I think the extra working out will help the stress level.

I am probably going to try to alternate every day for now. And I am thinking about trying to walk the whole road we live this weekend. That has gotta be about a 2 - mile adventure.

I am also going to update some photos of the landscaping outside, I think it looks pretty good for folks on a very tight budget.

I do love it here, it is quiet, it is spacious, it is home.

May you each find a place that brings you comfort, whether it be a house, an apartment, a room, it makes no difference, it is a place that is for relaxing, it can be a park bench, or a lounge chair, a tub, just somewhere to take time for you, each of us deserve that. Love, Cindy--- Mrs justa.

43 Things Tags: excercise,goals,work,stress,relaxation

Mrs Justa and unattainable goals

"Just love me with all my faults, as I love you.

Accept me for what I am,

Accept me for the things I do "

 

This was lyrics from a song , I am unsure what song it was from though.

Is that not what we all want. TO be accepted for who and what we are?

I can never be beautiful in the eyes of Hollywood, and I will never be a size 4 or 6. I know what my limits are. But one thing that I know is that my son , my husband, our dog and cat, my brothers and sisters , and all my family, they love me for who I am.

They never make me feel subconscious of my looks, that comes from my inner self. I want to be prettier, I want to be shapelier, I want to be something I will never be. And that is not healthy, because my wants are unobtainable, and with that I make my life a failure before I even get started.

I try to lose weight, I try to look good, I try to wear clothes that are attractive on me, but I do not succeed to the level I want to be at.

I hope starting tomorrow I can get up 20 minutes earlier and hop on the tread mill or bike, and the next day on the other, and try it for 1 month. My wish for you is you make your goals real, do not be like me, for if you are, you set yourself up for disappointment before your feet hit the floor each morning. Love, Mrs Justa

43 Things Tags: goals,self worth,wishes

Mrs Justa and the ocean

The ocean,

43 Things Tags: ocean,peace,life

(courtesy of picsexplained.blogspot.com)  I gotta tell you it is one of my favorite places to be. I think we are born in places that our hearts long for if we ever leave them. I was born in Bridgeport Ct in the early 50s, and I really love New England. There is so much to see in a little bit of travel time. I did go back to New England for a few months, worked in Enfield Ct and lived in Springfield, Mass. It only took 15 minutes to get to work, but I was in a different state. I liked the fact that in 1 1/2 hrs I could be in the mountains or walking along the ocean.

I found the folks from New England an easier folk,

I do not think where I lived that people even knew what stress was, I was the mad dasher from New York, the supervisor who worked along the others, and everyone thought because I was from New York that meant NY City. Well, NY is much bigger then just NYC, I am in upstate NY, we have farms around us, smell manure when the wind blows just right, an acre of lawn to mow, and 6 miles from the nearest big store.

It is nice here,

but my heart is at the ocean and mountains. For it is at the ocean and mountains I am reminded how insignificant I am in the whole scheme of life. I realize how much power there is around us that we have no control over. For those of you by the ocean, talk a deep breath of the sea breeze for me, and for those near a mountain, go for a walk and feel the crisp air, and watch the stars at night, uninterrupted by civilization. Peace to all, Good Night, Cindy

Mrs Justa and her first car

Okay , so now I will sound like my grand parents or my parents. Back in 1971, ( yes there were cars back then) I borrowed $500.00 from my older brother and his wife and bought my first car. It was a 1965 checker limousine, I kid you not. This was an old airport limousine taxi that was sold to me from Magari's Sunoco station -  I painted ( with spray paint) over the "airport" and changed it to the Smiling Limousine. I had yellow on the doors and then I painted big smiley faces, one in the trunk and one on the hood.

In the inside there was a seat in the way back, a folding seat in the middle that folded forward , a middle seat that folded up and a hug bouncy bench seat in the front. It's back door swung open the length of 2 doors, and you could fold the middle seat up so that one could sit in the way back seat and stretch your legs way out. The floor space was actually big enough that I used to say I would put a water bed in it.

Oh I loved that car, on the ceiling I had posters, and I would have sticks of incense cranked in the windows. I would sometimes pick up 10 to 12 friends, and we would go to a place called the Scene East in Syracuse and dance till the lights went out. I was the designated driver- so to speak, so I would dance but stay sober.

Oh what fun we have in our days of first cars. This car had a personality, it had a sense of affection, it was filled with memories and senses of wonder. I was a good girl, had platonic relationships, that made life fun. Getting intimately involved with guys was just not the thing to do, because once it went to intimacy than it became a commitment . It was so much fun to have fun, and just enjoy each other. No strings except the ties of friendships.

It was a good time, back in the 70's. I earned $1.35 per hr as a waitress, and paid my brother back $25.00 a week.

But ya know what, I loved that car, loved that my brother trusted me to borrow the money, and loved my life.

I hope this brings out some happy memories to you too. Love, Mrs Justa

43 Things Tags: first car,memories,friends,good times

Mrs Justa on time

43 Things Tags: time,life,seconds,moments

I once heard someone say that time must be used as a tool and not a couch. That made me think about what I do with time.

Do I take it for granted- I think I do. Do I appreciate every second given to me for my life- I think not. Before I know it my hour glass will be on the empty side of life, and what regrets might I have? What accomplishments will I have been able to say I have done.

That is a soul searching train of thoughts that I have over this one. I know I have written before and I think it all the time that this second will never be again. But thinking it and acting on it are 2 entirely different things.

I think there is a lot I have not done,that I wish I had. I have have these moments of looking at the younger people around me and envying the time they have left. I watch there accomplishments and am glad for them but in the same token it makes me aware of all the time I couched it instead of built with it.

I have not praised God as much as I should, I have not spent quality time as often as I have wanted with my family, with my friends. I have not taken time for me and Mark to enjoy life. I never went after a singing career and wished I had, I never got to stay thin, something I long for even today, I never wrote some letters that I wished I had, never wrote the book I wanted to, never entered photo contests. I must start.

My wish for you is that time as it passes does not get abused on a couch, go for your goals, seek what you are seeking, and live life. Love Cindy

Mrs Justa and the abandoned home

43 Things Tags: family,life,misfortune,loss

We have driven by this house

a number of times on our trek to the new home. It caught my eye the first time we went by, and now every time I go by it I am intrigued by it. I can not totally say why, but it makes my mind wander to days of yesteryear. In the lower window, blocked by the ferns that have consumed it, in that window is a sticker that people used to put on a pane of glass to tell the fireman that a child was sleeping in that room.

In this upstairs room, is a shade that is pulled back by the various forces within.

I wonder about the memories

in this house? Who lived there, how many children? Was it a family that was together? Or a broken home? I picture in my mind that it may have 3 bedrooms , probably one bathroom, and a dining room, living room and parlor type.

And the people, I wonder-did they love each other? Did they have dinner together? Did they read bedtime stories and sing lullabies to the children as they drifted off to sleep?

And then I wonder what happened?

At one point this home was new, the roof strong, the walls freshly painted, and windows sparkling with window covers -whether they be shades or drapes. Someone swept these floors and vacuumed the carpets, mowed the yard, maybe gardened and maybe had a dog or a cat. What made them give up? What caused them to leave? It does not look like a fire, it just looks abandoned. The building to the right, I think it might have been a garage. It might have been sideways on the land.

Now the weirdest thing

is right behind this home, I mean right behind it , is a single wide mobile home, a very old one that has also collapsed from neglect, from no one living in it and loving it. So then I wonder, did the people who built this home, did they live in the single wide while they were building this home? And if they did, what an accomplishment they must have felt to have built this home.

I just can not let this go,

I wonder where the people are now who know the stories of this home. Where are the children that once filled this home with the pitter patter of their little feet, the giggles and the sleepy tears.

I hope they individually and together

have as strong a foundation as their home appears to have, and I hope that it was not total misfortune that made them leave, but maybe they were transferred somewhere else and the home was left behind.

I hope my home never becomes lost,

abandoned like this one. I pray my home will be filled with the memories , blessings and happy times that a home is meant to be encompassed with. My love to all, and wishes that you will fill your home- wherever, what ever you call home, with joy, peace and memories. Love, Mrs Justa

43 Things Tags: home,family,love,abandoned

Mrs Justa on richness

Hello all. Somewhere in my past I read something about the poorest man leaves his children with the richest inheritance. Wow, that is really deep to me. We look for things to make us rich, to satisfy our "needs" but in looking back in my past, I knew more of my family when we had not much to spend, and had each other to keep company.

When I was a child, we were not wealthy. At least not with money, but we were rich with family bonds and moments together. We were taught about God, and Jesus and my mom sang German lullabies and hymns at times to us.

We had dinner together, we read books or sang hymns at night, we had a piano, and we would play music together, we had a black and white t.v. and we were allowed to watch good programs, no guns, no fighting, just real programs. We did not watch cartoons, we could watch the Donna Reed show, My Mother the Car, Lassie, The Wonderful World of Disney. Never was there a night we could not settle down and go to sleep because something on TV or in a book scared us. We had each other.

I look at life now, at everyone having the best, going for more, more sports for the kids to play, more camps to send kids of to, more video games, all night stores and restaurants, and I think about how the majority of people would relate if financial strain forced them to not spend, to not drive to games, to actually spend time together.

I find that this thought is true. Wealth does not have to be from money, it can be from an abundance of love, a fulfilled life of memories and appreciation for what we have instead of what we have not.

May you find the wealth in your own lives and treasure the gifts of people, and not hunger for the all mighty dollar.

Love to all, Mrs Justa

43 Things Tags: money,relationships,people

Mrs justa thinking

43 Things Tags: mistakes,fear,challenges

"The greatest mistake you will make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one." (Elbert Hibbard) This photo is an example of a mistake that worked. (courtesy of www.homeschoolfcgs.com)    How about post-its, or electricity, or brain teasers. I think that some of the things we use every day came from people not afraid to make a mistake.

Now me, well , I think I am one who spends more times fearing to take the risk. I buy something, I have to read the manual, I mean anything I buy. I have read the manual for my iron, the toaster, the nightlights. I kid you not. I want to follow the directions and get really annoyed if I am rushed and can not take the time to read it first.

If the world was depending on me- I think we would all be in caves doing the cave person stuff. No cars, phones or stores.

How about you? Are you afraid to be, afraid to take the challenge? I wish I personally knew how to get away from my fears- I probably never will though. Just for the record, it is not a fun way to be :( Love to all, take the challenge, Cindy

Mrs Justa and adversity

Mr justa was the person who always quoted W. Clement Stone to me on "Every adversity carried with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit" That, to me , is a powerful statement. When the chips are down, it is hard to see why or where the end will be. I was thinking about adversity today on my way to work. As you all know Mark has had a roller coaster of the past 19 months or so. He asks me often why did all this happen , what is the good that will come from this.

I feel foolish, for I have not an answer. Only my belief that sometimes we can not see the good in a bad situation for a long time. He is like this person who is attached to this hand in the photo. (courtesy of dalnews.dal.ca ) He knows not what he is holding onto, or why, but he is holding on for dear life. Hoping to find the answers, hoping to get out of where he is now.

He does not see it, but he and everyone who is facing challenges, they are strong people, even though at the time they feel weak, less then they are. That is so far from the truth though. So for all of you going through tough times, wondering why this is happening to you, for those who are facing challenges and knowing an easy way through it, I challenge you to take the more difficult way, and see what is at the other side of the adversity, I believe that there is good in everything that happens, just look, wait and feel. Love to all, Mrs Justa

43 Things Tags: adversity,challenges,trapped,feeling lost

Mrs Justa on happiness

Happiness, a word that automatically makes me smile.

This clip art ( courtesy of "mylemonadestand.com) makes me smile. A warm puppy, depending on you for everything, yet full of more love then a lifetime can take in. As John Dewey had once said " To find what one is fitted to and to secure an opportunity to do it is the key to happiness." Mark Twain once said "A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval" To be politically correct now- it would be a person... as to not make women feel left out.

It is true.

We have to want to be happy, we have to force ourselves to find a thing we are meant to do and do it.

What makes you happy?

It is hard to find happiness, it is very hard when you feel like life is passing you by. But happiness comes from within, and I gotta tell ya, I have had many instances in my life when I thought I would never become anything, and never find happiness. But I never gave up, I had to reach inside my soul and pull myself back up, and I am so glad I did, I have a family that loves me, a husband that treasures me, a son who my world seems to revolve for,his wife who is a woman anyone would love as a daughter, a step daughter that I am so proud of, a very special son-in-law,  a profession I adore, a few good friends and a job I enjoy most days.

What makes you smile?

Did you ever notice how a smile is contagious? Try it, smile at someone and look in their eyes, see if they smile back. Don't laugh though, they would interpret that differently then a warm smile.

What makes me smile?

(courtesy of designflute.wordpress.com ) Hugs, how more comforting is life then with hugs. People who like me. I feel worthwhile. Nursing in a hospital, because I am helping people in their most trying moments. Rainbows, they are gifts from God. They signify to me that things will get better. Babies, they are so innocent, and need lots of hugs and love. Family, because family is the thread of life, of humanity. Singing, it makes me whole. Giving to those with less then me. Christmas time, because people generally seem nicer. A gentle rain, for it is cleansing the world. A warm bath, because it encompasses my body with comfort. An old pair of sneakers, as they are just right for my feet. Lilacs- I just love the colors and the scent.

What makes you smile? Find it, and let a smile come. May you find happiness on your journey through life, Love Mrs Justa

43 Things Tags: happiness,smiles,love,family,friends

Mrs Justa and the homefront

How weird a day- I went to where we used to live, and watched the home transporters hook up to the front of our old home to deliver it to the new owners place.  Only to come to our new place and see our old home come into the housing development we have moved into .

It was so weird to see the place we had 16 yrs of memories in kind of follow us as we had left it behind.

I really did love that house, and I hope it bring the special moments to someone else that it did for us.

Unfortunately the age of the home made it impossible for us to do a land/home deal with it. We had to get a newer home.

So as our old home gets set up about half way up the road from us, here we are trying to feel at home in the new house.

There are many stressors with this move, and most are able to successfully conquer.

First is the yard, Mark loves a mowed yard and he used to mow ours when he was able. He and I did a few sessions of both mowing and we would meet wherever we ended up. This yard is definitely too big to tag team on in a 30 or 45 minute stretch- I am thinking 2 of us pushing it would be close to 2 hours.

We are going to look at riders tomorrow- see if we can find one within a certain amount of money, and have it be one that will hold up.

Mark is very worried about his future right now, his depression is enveloping his visions to an area he can not see or feel. His get up and go has got up and went. It is a struggle to do stuff, I truly believe part of this is due to the medications, and they seem to not be attacking the depression and anxiety, which is fueled by this new home, the higher bills and his lack of being able to work right now.

I gotta tell you, I fell awful for him, I do try to encourage him and tell him this is not forever, but when you are low, so low there is no light, well words are just words, kinda wasted air.

I will take a shot of the lawn machine we end up with, Jeff and Justin have committed to help us with the lawn, but I am thinking  if we had a rider, it would give Mark something he could do during the week too.Walking this yard would not be impossible, but it would be a challenge. I am willing to give it a good honest try, but I really think a rider would be better.So more to follow... have a good weekend. Love Cindy- Mrs justa

43 Things Tags: mowing,depression,home,life

Mrs Justa walking down the path with Justakrusen

This was titled "the lonely path".

I can see why. There is no real color, everything is kind of dull, there is however a ray of sunshine in the horizon. (courtest of yaadein.wordpress.com). A ray of hope, a glimmer of light. That light , as it brightens may bring color to a lonely path in life.

That is how it is right now for Mark.

He is on the lonely path. He had a blogging buddy who wrote that he felt like a "non person" right now. Well that is pretty much how Mark feels right now.

To be alone on a path,

given medication to help to sleep, help to decrease anxiety and decrease depression, but the problem ( as I see it) is that the meds can sometimes cause one to feel lost, drugged, like  zombie. It is a vicious circle, you need the meds for where you are at right now, but as you improve, are the meds making you where you are at.

For a man who his whole life has worked and worked hard,

to exist in a day to day world of having nothing to do , having doctors tell you you can not work, and not feel safe enough or secure enough to seek out other options, every day is the same, well this is hard. He does it, sometimes harder times getting through the day then other times, but he does it. And I know, that once the accentuated depression and anxiety gets in check, and the meds start to be decreased, he will see that sunlight on that lonely path. Until then, I will be his light, I will guide him down the path, and we are blessed with friends and family who are there too, who understand. He is blessed with a social worker who really cares about him and a psychiatrist who will work with him, so we are headed down the right path, it is hard, it is slow, but we will get there, and maybe one day , maybe even one day soon, he will shine through this blog as the sun is shining in the distance. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Love, Cindy and Mr Justakrusen

43 Things Tags: depression,lost,direction,hope