Mrs Justa and the colors of life

My mom used to say her favorite color was sky-blue-pink. This photo is dedicated to my mom, for this is the closest to sky-blue-pink I can run across. I see many colors evolve before my eyes as I drive in to work every morning. Now that daylight savings time has forced us to turn our clocks back an hour, I find I am half way to work before the darkened sky becomes illuminated with colors.

I love the peacefulness of the early morning hours, when you can hear the wind whisper and the clouds start to rise above the land. In the process of doing so, the trees begin to pop out their heads through the blanket of mist.

I saw a deer this morning as it surfaced on the fog filled field. It was like an image growing from the earth. It's elegant stance , so poetic, and then the sucker darted across the road, smack dab in front of me. It took the ahhh , the peaceful feeling, and accelerated shock and fear in me. From ahhhh to AHHHHH. Fortunately Bambi and my vehicle survived the sudden change. But by the time I had recuperated from the fear of smashing the car and trashing the deer, the sunset had lost it's color and it was replaced with a glaring yellow sun.

Each sunrise is different, and it always brings me peace. Who knows what colors will be there tomorrow, painted across the horizon. But whatever it is, I will try to enjoy them. Things like this bring me such joy, such peace and such realization that we are such a minute part of this great world that God has provided us with.  

We do need to stop, look around and see what we can see, in this lifetime movie set that we live in. The admission is free, the sites constantly change, and the beauty never ends if you look for it.

Love always , Mrs Justa.

43 Things Tags: sunrise,colors,blessings Mother's Day,life,gifts

Mrs Justa and the septic tank pumper

43 Things Tags: septic tank,pumper,stink,jobs,poop

Okay, now there are jobs and there are jobs,

and this job takes the prize in my mind. Again I ask, what in the world would make someone a professional septic tank pumper outer. Jeff and Amanda just had to get one pumped, and it had not been done for a few years,Jeff said it was full. No one has lived in this house for months, so I am thinking that was ripe.

Really, have you ever been back with the septic man?

Heck you can be 1/2 mile away and know one of these guys are around. Do you go to school for pumping poop? Some of the stuff they do may be neat, like when they get to bring in the steam shovels and back hoes and destroy a person yard to put in a new leach field,  but the dude who drives around the tanker trucks, with cutsey names, like turd hunter, or poop taxi, I mean what can make them look forward to coming to work?

I am glad they do, because without them,

us country folks would be up poop creek without a paddle. I can not imagine that they have all their senses. The sense of smell has got to be something they are lacking, and maybe their vision is not the greatest, cuz it is hard to believe anyone would like to play in other peoples ( or their own for that matter) poop from the last yr or so.

Where we used to live,

they tried to stretch the pumper of poop appointments to every 5 years. We had 4 homes going into one septic- and let me tell ya, when that guy took the lid off, we all closed the windows and breathed thru fabric softener sheets.

Can you imagine doing their laundry?

You would have to do it immediately, the guys would have to strip on the porch. And do they stop for lunch? How can you keep the visuals of the job out of your dreams?

And do they jump out of bed in the morning, excited of the day to come? My hat goes of to you folks who do this for a living, and I thank you for it, I just can not figure out why you do it. Keep pumping, and we will keep going. Love Mrs Justa, ( photos from google image)

Mrs Justa and the dentist

Can ya tell where I was last week. Yep the dentist. Another pondering moment in my mind, why would anyone want to be a dentist? Drool, bad breath, tartar, little tiny tools, little miniature drills and sanders, drool, looking at tongues, lips, nose hair. Now don't get me wrong, I am glad there are dentists, thankful they have this passion     but why...what would inspire someone to want to look in maybe 30 mouths a day. 

And how do they understand people speaking open mouth lingo?   Did you ever have your mouth pried open and the dentist or dental hygienist asks you where you work? Or the dentist is drilling and wants to know how the weather was on your way in? You try to talk without moving your lips, jaws or tongue, and they understand your explanation. Ugg uggg uggg ugg.. and they nod at you , like understand you fluently.

Then when they clamp that piece of metal around a tooth they are filling, have you ever had them tighten the screw of the clamp and not realize a part of your lip in in the way. Youch!

Or when they have to give you Novocain just under your nose- man the eyes start watering, and it feels like it takes forever. And where do you look as your dentist is 4 inches from your eyes. I hate breathing with him that close, I try to look beyond his face at the ceiling tiles, I don't want to stare in his eyes, that is totally weird. And they must be thinking the same thing when they are close enough to bite my nose . I refuse to let my mouth fill with saliva, cuz most of the time the suckey thing is sucking the inside of my cheek and making little hickies in it. SO I swallow, trying to leave my tongue in place, ahhh, the life at the dentist is not fun.

Have you ever had a dentist that sweats profusely as he is looking down on you? Oh I did when I was a teen, and every once in a while he would have a droplet hit my face.

Nope- I am not understanding if a dentist is born with that thought, like from the moment they are conceived they know they want to be a dentist. Or when was it they decided it was what they wanted to do? Hmmm. I have to go back next month, already dreading it. And again as I sit there, talking open mouth lingo, I will wonder what made these folks want to do this job, and when they are through I will thank them. For they are special people to want to do this job.  Love Mrs justa ( photos courtesy of google image)

43 Things Tags: dentist,jobs,professions,gross,teeth

Mrs Justa and the first day at a new job

43 Things Tags: new job,alone,feeling lost,inadequate,training

Okay, so here I go again with my mind pondering. I was reflecting on my 45 minute ride home today about jobs I have had. And orientation for them. The feeling the night before I was starting a new job. The feeling that very first time I walked into that new job. And training for my new job. Some jobs the training was pretty quick, working at Carol's Restaurant, at Pizio's Italian Restaurant. That training was pretty quick.

Working in photo finishing, that was much more involved and lasted for a few weeks. Nursing, wow that was 2 1/2 yrs of school, and clinicals on the various types of medical floors, but that first day as a new graduate nurse, walking onto that med surg floor, wow, that was scary, and I had an orientor...somewhere. That first day we had call-ins- so the utopian moment in my mind of starting with 2 patients and learning how to manage the days, gradually increasing in the patient load--well I ended up with 9 patients! And my orientor had the next nine. I call it baptism by fire.

Where I am now, we gradually train people, make sure they feel comfortable as they learn new things and they have an orientor for 3 mos. After that they have a team of nurses always available to answer questions, trouble shoot.

Now comes my pondering-- imagine you are at the new job as President of the USA. There is no one shadowing you, guiding you, one day you are not and the next day you are.

Barack got briefed today... man I think I would want more then a briefing. Tomorrow he gets a tour of the White House by President Bush. Not for nothing, but that must be surreal, scary, to know all the secrets of the world, and be told ..."no one knows this but a few people". Who is your orientor? The president packs up and leaves when he is through. I am feeling scared for Barack ! I have butterflies in my stomach, just thinking about how it would feel that night before taking the baton, and then the first day you would walk into the oval office, and be all alone. Yikes... who in their right mind would want to go through 2 1/2 yrs of accusations, of nasty comments, and then poof,,,, alone in that big white house, with millions of people under you.  And watching the guy who was just in this job, walk out of that big white house and go into the sunset.

I am freaking myself out. think about it.... all I can say ..is better them then me!. Love Mrs Justa

Mrs Justa and new beginnings

43 Things Tags: elections,new beginning,life,president

All people sick of the way things are- raise your hand. Hold that hand high and say we need a change. Tired of the high taxes, the high fuel costs, the companies leaving the US of A and discarding their devoted employees like used tissues. Hold up that hand and show your desire for better days ahead, for not fearing the utility bill, not feeling used when you go to the store.

And then look at where we are. We are at another one of those "new beginning" times in our lives. A new time in history. The first black president.Not who got my vote, but it is over and we have to come together and rally as a country.  He is a very intelligent person, His college education speaks for itself. He has nice teeth, a warm smile. And I think the dude will age a bit in the ol oval office. You gotta be nuts to want to be president! Look at all the crap they have to deal with.  

I hate dealing with politics of every day life in the very small level I deal with. Can you imagine having to deal with senators, congress folks, all those secret service folks watching every move you make.

You can't sneeze without a bunch of secret service offering you a tissue. And what about if you have one of those annoying itches- you have no where to go to scratch it. DO they stand outside your bathroom door waiting for you to come out?

I wonder if they tell you what to wear? How to eat? Nope, I will take the day to day politics of driving from point A to point B, the people in the store, or the folks I run across. Low key, few disruptions, and time to belt out songs in my car ALONE on my way to and from work. More power to you, Mr President. Love Mrs Justa.

Mrs Justa and anger

"Anyone who angers you conquers your mind" (Mothers advice to Sister Elizabeth Kenny) Whoa, that is something I am pondering.

My mind has been conquered a few times in my life. And it was hard to get it back on course. I saw this photo on goggle images and it really fits what I feel from this quote.

I have had people in my life, that have really weakened me to feel anger. Feel such anger that I may think a four letter word or two. Anger that has made me curse out loud, or scream to the point of choking.

Anger that has made me feel all trembling inside , and my hands are actually shaking. But I never looked at it as conquering my mind, but it does. It takes me to places I do not like to be in my world of emotions.

I do not get angry very often now, although I have had instances where a person is just down right nasty and cruel to me, and I feel the anger inside, I keep it there, and sometimes it feels like my head will explode.

When I was younger, so many years ago, I showed my anger, I would grit my teeth together so hard I would think they would crack, or I would actually pull out a clump of my own hair ( what sense does that make?? I should have pulled the other person's hair out!) I have wanted to chase that jerk who cut me off down the highway, but I don't. Yes anger, if we let it can conquer our who being. So now it is time to deep breathe, ahhh, count to ten, ahh, and proceed in a harmonious manner in life. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. Love Mrs Justa

43 Things Tags: anger,self-control,patience,overcoming emotions

Mrs Justa and missing my mom and dad

Whoa November 3rd is a date of many emotions. In 1963 my father died, the same second my youngest sister was born. So she brought us joy in a time of terrible loss. I was ten at the time, I had just turned ten on October 19th. It was on my 10th birthday that my dad had stayed home from his traveling salesman job and went to a doctor, thinking he had the flu. I went to school, kinda glad that dad was sick, cuz that meant he would be home for my birthday, instead of traveling for many days and nights.

Well, when I came home, he was not there, he had been admitted to a hospital because the "flu" was really a heart attack. My mom was very pregnant, and she had all 5 of us home alone with her. We spent the next 2 + weeks traveling to the hospital so she could visit and we hung out in a waiting room lobby area on the first floor.

Well November 2nd came and we got to see him. He was coming home the next morning. We laughed, we were thrilled. But at 1100 that night my mom went into labor, my oldest sister came home from nursing school to watch us as a neighbor rushed my mom to the hospital.

The next morning, a phone call, and we found out our dad was not coming home, he had died. Then we called the hospital my mom was at, and told them to relay the message that her husband had died, it was then we found out we had a sister .

35 years later in life, to the day, my mom was in Germany visiting people she had never meant before. People she found to have ties to her roots. My mo was an illegitimate child from 1921, and finally found a possible connection to the past she never knew. November third, the phone rings at around 5:30 in the morning. It was weird, like maybe it was mom saying hello on this day of joy and sadness. But instead it was a call to say my mom had died , November 3rd, in her sleep , in Germany, at the home of the relative she never knew she had until then. A perfect circle, a perfect ending to an unusual story. I miss you mom, so very much... I miss you dad more then you will ever know.. and I love you sis on this special day. Love to all, Cindy

43 Things Tags: death,life,miss,mom,dads,sorrow,joy

Mrs Justa and The hour glass

43 Things Tags: vote,trust,nation,time

Have you ever been doing something that had to be completed before the hour glass was done emptying? Did you ever play a game using an hour glass? As the sand is almost gone, the nerves increase.

Like in the Wizard of Oz when there was the huge hour glass in the wicked witches creepy room.

I had a game once that used an hour glass, and I had to get all the pieces in the puzzle before the hour glass finished. The anxiousness of running out of time made me feel anxious, shaky.

Well that is how I feel as election day is finally less then 48 hrs away. At this time in 2 days we will be getting to the end of our chances to vote.

I am nervous that people are not going to vote--PLEASE vote.

I am anxious that people have not really looked at the candidates.

I personally am not going to vote for a party, but for the people running. The sand is slowly going from one end to the other of the hour glass, and the weather - at least in the Northeast look like it will be great for Tuesday.

So please everyone, lets make sure nothing gets in our way. Do not become apathetic. And vote for the person who you truly believe has a track record of doing things for this country and for the person you believe will help this country become stronger and more financially secure. Peace, and faith to all of you. CIndy

Mrs Justa and typical Monday

Mondays, why do they always have the tendency to have things go wrong.

I may spill my coffee on my way to my car, or I get behind every school bus on my 35 miles of rural routes to work , or my "tire low light" comes on on my dash in the middle of no where, or 3 people call in sick. This past Monday I had on a white sweater, I had gone to the cafe to make my lunch, I had my instant oatmeal and added it to a cup put hot water in it and carefully covered it with a paper towel. On the way up the stair to go work thru my lunch, somehow the hot maple and brown sugar oatmealy water spilled all over my white sweater. Well it looked like a cow pooped on my chest. So I went in the bathroom, took off my sweater and washed it in the sink, tried to dry it with paper towel ( the cheap kind) and sat shivering for the good part of the afternoon. MONDAYS!!!

The worse Monday pits however is car trouble.

This is a photo of one of my dearest friends, and she also works with me. She had this car that was beginning to cause her some heartache, and on a Monday not so long ago, I answered my phone at work, only to find out is was AAA calling. The lady on the phone told me that my friend asked them to call me to say she was going to be late for work, and that she had broken down a few miles from work. She told me my friend seemed pretty upset and worried.

This street is a very busy street, and has no shoulders.

So in the right lane ( far left in this photo) lane, with absolutely no electrical power, her car sits. AAA was sending a patrol car out to sit behind her car, as she had not flashers, but they had not yet arrived at the time I arrived to be with her.

We stayed on the lawn next to the car, because there was no way for anyone coming up on the car to know it was stopped at first.

I felt bad for my friend, she had no cell phone,

and had to use a passer by's phone to even call for help. She is a good person, and would give you the shirt off her back, she has a dry sense of humor, and sometimes she will talk in a riddle. I have known her since 1989. She is a blessing. She has been there thru many ups and downs. I did not think twice when she was stranded, I told the team I would be back in a few, and I was going to go stand with Her as we waited for the tow truck. Mondays,,,, they can suck... but true friends help make Mondays better. I hope when you have a Monday, you have a friend to share it with:) Love to all, Mrs Justa.

43 Things Tags: Mondays,car trouble,bad luck,friends,life

Mrs Justa, and PLEASE VOTE

Please vote next Tuesday. And do not vote because of what any of the polls say. They are reflective of what ever part of the population they claim to represent.

Vote with pride, vote with an educated vote. Go on line and check out each of the candidates. Not their political ads, but who they are, what have they done in their past, what do they believe in, 

please do not get swayed by the media. Get swayed by your heart and mind. Make sure they agree , your knowings and your feelings need to be sure that when you go to that polling booth, you are voting from knowledge, not just because you think so and so will win.

Your vote does count, do not let anyone make you think any different.

I heard someone say to vote for a certain candidate is like throwing away your vote!! That is total nonsense. It is each of our votes,tallied together , that reflect the was we feel about each candidate.

The presidential election is only part of this next Tuesday election day, we are voting for other folks too.

So research, go to non bias sites and learn as much as you can, and PROUDLY go on Tuesday and show this country you want to be heard. And for those who believe in God, say prayers for election day and that people will be guided to make the best decision for the USA. Love, Cindy

43 Things Tags: voting,your vote,educated,knowledge,politics,pray,believe

Mrs Justa and being a grandma

Good night my sweet one,

sleep peacefully as you rest your sleepy eyes and grow . I just can't believe how much fun it is to be a grandma! I know I am bias... but me and Mr Justa think this little guy is pretty special!

We offered and had an acceptance

to watch him last Saturday night. We wanted his mom and dad to have a little break.  I was not sure if we would get and okay or not, but we did, and he was really pretty good. Slept most of the time, followed some rattles around as I slowly moved them above him, he even accepted the swing for about 10 back and forth motions. There was on time he began to get fussy, so grandpa took him and he went right back to sleep for another hour.

He is growing quickly, and the poor guy is still having issues with stomach aches and acid reflux, so he is an meds still. Mom and dad are having to adjust to the no sleep mode, but all are well.

I was at the dentist the other day

and the receptionist said she had gotten to met Brandon a week prior. She mentioned how great it was to see Amanda and Jeff work as a team in caring for him , fastening him in his car seat and such.

They really do work well together,

it is just hard when everyone is tired, and ya feel like no matter what you try to do, nothing makes the baby okay.

We were fortunate,

we got him at a comfortable time. It was wonderful, and I was honored we were trusted to watch him.

Heck when Jeff was a baby, I did not leave him with anyone till he was 11+ months old.

Life is full of problems, and disappointments at times, but this lil guy, he makes the problems from day to day disappear, if only for a short while.God made babies to help us focus on what really is important.

43 Things Tags: Brandon,babies,grandma,love,blessings,precious,God's gift

Love to all, CIndy

Mrs Justa and THANKS going to you

43 Things Tags: thanksful,blessed,giving up,doing,working,parenting

"People, who need people are the luckiest people in the world. "

I am on this thankful path, and I was thinking about people as my dog was jumping at the edge of the bed letting me know he needed me to let him out. My mind begins to elaborate on ideas and before I know it, I sometimes can't get back to what made my mind start reeling.

But this I remember. The dog was bouncing up and down, getting a lick on my face every so often on his rebound. He was hyperventilating as he enthusiastically was telling me he was in a situation where my services were needed.

People, think about where we would be without people doing things for others. In life, we all do something for someone. Even if we live alone, if we are employed, we are doing something for others. And if there were not people willing to do everything that requires a person to do it, well we would be screwed.

There are many someones willing to leave their homes and go into work in essence to service others, to help others, to fulfill a need of others. This can be a nurse, a police officer, an engineer, an auto mechanic, a garbage man, the person at the ticket booth for the parking lots or garages, the street cleaners, the cashiers at the stores, those who deliver the goods, those who design them, those who manufacture them , those who write the articles in papers, magazines, those who write books, those who manage, those who clean up after us, those who stand on their feet for hours serving food to others, those who chose to spread the word of their religion, those who design, those who create, those who parent, those who keep our highways smooth, those who plow the snow, run the electric, oh the list goes on and on . We are all over, doing everything to make IT happen. Whatever "IT" is.

Everywhere I go, there are people that make whatever I am experiencing happen. So I want to THANK YOU , each of you, for whatever it is you do? Thanks for going to work, thanks for raising the children, thanks for picking up that piece of paper from the ground. THANKS FOR YOU!!!

(photo courtesy of www.fallingpixel.com)

Mrs Justa and health insurance

Health insurance gets a bad reputation. And I wonder if people really understand the work that goes on when a review needs to be done for a pre authorization of a service. ( photo is from google images courtesy of www.wciv.com) There are so many stereo types of insurance companies, and I admit there may be some that are crooked, but I personally have worked in the administration part of health care for 13 years now, and I am here to say the hours of compassion, of work, of trying to make sure the patient is receiving the care their doctor is recommending and within their benefit plan, it is amazing how devoted the people are who have worked in the environments I have been blessed to be a part of.

People need to understand that sometimes they or their doctor may recommend something that their plan just does not cover. Some plans are stricter then others. We sometimes may get a person who wants their health plan to pay for a craft- matic adjustable bed, or maybe a home health aid to spend days with them and help clean their house, or a ride to a doctors office, but it is not a covered item. If health plans paid for some of the services and items people want them to pay for, the premiums would be higher then they are already.

When we get a request in, we have to follow national criteria for the type of care being requested. We do not just say yes or no without careful researching . And if it does not meet our criteria, we have to send the case to a physician to review, to call the doctor who is requesting the service and discuss the case. The nurses do not just make the determination if there is a potential denial of the request.

SO please, I ask you, to take a moment, read your health plan, and feel free to call the customer service department to see what is covered. Ultimately it is you and me who need to know what we are covered for, whether it is our home owners insurance, a life insurance plan, out health plan, even warranties on things we have.

The folks working for your health insurance administration department are experienced health care professionals, who have been in the clinical setting and bring to this position knowledge, experience and the want to be the best they can be. So please refrain from calling us names, threatening us, and yelling at us. We are looking out for you, your health plan and trying to accommodate the needs of each sapient, within the guidelines of the health plan they are paying for. Stay healthy, love Mrs Justa

43 Things Tags: health insurance,approvals,denials,health care,compassion,knowledge

Mrs Justa and the wind

The wind,it plays heavy on my mind. The wind can be peaceful, as it is whispering through the pines, The song of the wind chimes tinkling gently as the breeze sets them to life.( this photo is of wind chimes that the kids brought us back from their honeymoon) ((Thanks Jeff and Amanda:))

But as winter is getting closer to reality, the wind is less peaceful to me and more threatening. The wind chimes are in the shed, hanging next to one another on a bungee cord between two nails on the rafters. Patiently dangling, waiting for spring.

Between now and Spring we are facing bone chilling winds, the kind that make ones face hurt, the hairs in the nose freeze, eyes have to squint and lips chap. The winds take the whisper and become a howl. Whipping snow around in drifts that look like sand dunes.

The wind helps to coat ice on the highways, and frost on the windows. It causes me to grab a scarf and wrap it around my neck, creeping it up over my mouth and nose to protect it from the teeth of the wind.

Whenever the  dog is let out on his leash, he flies right back in , we have to go out with him in the biting cold, so that he will go to the bathroom.

The wind makes white outs, blowing the snow in strong lines and gusts, so one moment I can be looking at pavement and the next it is like someone put a sheet on the windshield. It is strong and tries to grab our storm door out of our hands as we scurry into the house. The wind wants to come in with us, but we fight it out.

I look forward to the spring whisper of the wind, starting in October I am already thinking Spring. As I come home at night, I literally think one day closer to Spring.

Oh our shovels are still dusty, and nestled in the rafters of the shred, and we have not yet purchased rock salt to protect us from falls, but soon it will be different, there will be rock salt in a container by the front door, and a few shovels right outside the door ready for us to pay attention to them. Our coats will be out of the closet and on the coat rack buy the door, and our gloves will be matched up and ready to encompass our hands.

As I sit here, finishing up this post, I hear the wind pushing at the window, trying to creep in through the window pane. Fortunately the windows are sealed tight, and the wind is not going to win this fight. So as I go for now, I am once again reminded that it is one day closer to spring. Love to all Mrs Justa.

 

43 Things Tags: winter,winds,Spring,cold

Mrs Justa and thanks to the truckers

Tonight I take a moment to thank all the folks who devote their lives to truck driving. It is a very hard job to do. It takes commitment, loyalty and devotion. It takes trust, faith and pride.

Mark drove truck until he was hurt almost 1 3/4 years ago. It was what he did for about 23 years or so. It was something he did very well. I had gone with him years back, when there was a rider program, and I have seen him parallel park a 52 foot trailer at a parking area! In one try. I have seen him back into farms in tight places to dump a load of brewers yeast for the cows.

He has driven over 2,000,000,000 miles , with a safe driving record. Sick and well, the guys and gals

are out there driving to get goods to everyone in this country. We need to thank them when we see them. They are out pounding the highway no matter what the weather. Sometimes choosing between sleep or a shower. Sometimes taking naps instead of full 8 hour rests.

And they miss their families but to earn money they have to drive. So they may only be home 1 or 2 days a week. There was one company Mark drove for and he would be out 2 weeks at a time. Getting to a state far away and then having to wait 2 days until another load was located, so he could head in another direction. It is a noble profession, and a tiring profession, and it needs to be more respected. So the next time you see a truck driver, wave to him, thank him, because if it was not for the truck drivers, your stores would be empty, fuel tanks empty, Truck Drivers make the world go round, they are the back bone of the nation. Thanks to all, Love Mrs Justa.

43 Things Tags: truckers,driving,thanks

Mrs Justa and then there were three

Life, it has its ups and downs.

For some of my siblings the downs are hard, but they can be an up at the same time.

My siblings and I have definitely defied the statistics on marriages staying together. I remember someone saying 50% of marriages end up in divorce. Well my family is looking a lot worse then that.

My older sister divorced,

my oldest sister had 2 bad marriages before she found the right person, my one marriage ended in divorce,  my one brother divorced and remarried, a brother that is a widower- so he does not fall in that category, my 2 youngest sisters, not officially divorced, but their kids and they are living apart from their husbands.

And then I have 2 older brothers

who have made it through thick and thin for MANY years with their spouses.

My youngest sister just informed me that her husband left on Tuesday.

(I chose this photo because this past family reunion, she had come up from Alabama with herself and her 2 kids.And here in this photo she is cooking and her kids are playing on the camp site they had. )I am brought back to the challenges I faced in a situation of separation from first husband. For my sister, she is feeling a sense of this being the right thing. Whatever the issues were, they were unable to resolve them, and knowing my sister and her extreme ability to be tolerant, and take ALOT of crap, they must have had some pretty bad stuff.

For me it was not the same.

I had loved my husband and we had a 2 yr old son. The only reason there was sun rise and sun set was because of my son and husband. Every breath I took was devoted to them. So when the words came out of my husbands lips that he thought we should separate, it was like getting hit by a freight train out of no where. Why?? What was wrong?? I had not a clue!

I had to leave the home we were in,

moved into my moms and slept on her bedroom floor, and I tried to make sense of it all. The sadness that the memories of this time in my life are always there, hidden but ready to surface. And for my sister, even though she may not have been surprised by this chapter in her life, there are now things that are changed forever. The kids are dependant on only one person now, there is no "mommy time", the bills all belong to her, the trying to get child support, to find a job that pays enough to raise your kids, the decisions. I am glad for her and the kids if this is better, I am also saddened by the challenges that lie ahead. I pray that she, and anyone who is going through a break up of a marriage , that they find strength, pray, trust in God, Let go and Let God. And be patient, be strong, and demand financial assistance from your spouse. Get legal help, you must do that for your future and the future of your kids. Know I am thinking of you. Love Mrs Justa.

43 Things Tags: Pray,divorce,separation,trust,believe,challenges

Mrs Justa and changing seasons

The other day Mark and I went for a short ride. BJ's had gasoline for 3.05 a gallon, so we headed over there, camera in the back seat.

I was on a mission, and warned Mark at any given moment we may need to pull over for a picture or two.

This is one we took. Sunday was a royal blue sky day, temps in the 60s, a slight breeze, clouds no where in sight. It is October, so the fields are full of green plants turning brown, drying out and the seeds beginning to fly off and replant in other areas.

These seeds have a bonus, they have wings for flight. I was thrilled to be able to capture the delicateness of the silk like threads that the seeds are entwined to.

As the pods are in different phases of retiring for the year, I was able to capture one totally open one just starting and one not even spread open at all. It got my attention for many reason, but it pointed out to me that even in Gods world of plants, each component has  individualism to it. This plant grew at one time, yet the pods are all in different phases, all look different. It then brought my whacked out mind to thinking about families, and even though the kids came from the same mom and dad, they are very rarely identical in looks, behavior, shape or stages. Some of us mature quicker then our siblings, some slower. We are all unique in our own ways. We have been given talents, I have some siblings who can sing, others who can not, some thin some not so thin. It is just one of those things that takes my mind and sends it whirling.

We need to look for individualism and not look for people to be like the next person. We need to look for a person's talents and not wonder why one person can not be the same as another. We need to appreciate the good and not seek out the bad. I wish you patience in taking the time to find those special qualities in yourself and others, and thrive on the good. Until later, Love Mrs Justa

43 Things Tags: life,being aware,being different,finding God's gift

Mrs Justa and the not so calm passage of life

43 Things Tags: calm,dangers,life,unpredictable

"God promises safe land but not a calm passage" This is a Bulgarian proverb that I remind myself of all the time. This photo shows to me the calm land, the reaching to the sky, the smooth comforting clouds. The whisper of the grass in the breeze, slowly drifting back and forth , standing tall. But in between these blades of tall grass are burdocks. They stick to my clothes and hurt my fingers to pull them out.   

It is like the paths in life, it appears the path will be smooth, but I miss the burdocks until it is too late.

I try to do my best every day, and I want the path to be safe, which it is, but the intruders make it not safe.

The roads I take to and from work, they themselves are safely made. The pavement is solid, the majority of the roads are well painted, but the people and animals that may choose to use the road when I am using it, they make the passage no longer calm or safe.

Work, my cubicle environment in itself it safe, the desk top firm, the computer , screen and chair modern. But the incidents of any day can take the calmness away. It can be the folks calling, a "full moon syndrome", it can be a boss, a co worker, a situation, anything can take the calm away. I am constantly trying to keep the calm in every minute of my life. I think I am too mellow. I think I try to be too soothing. I find myself too lax in life in general. I like the safe land, but I need to do better with the not so calm passages.

I feel at times I am fragile, and at times I feel strong. Oh it is so confusing to be me. My mind swirls, my long is for the calm, my life is not. How nice it would be to have the perfect world. I would not know. But I do know I am reminded every day of this proverb. Tread carefully all, Love and best of luck until later, Cindy

Mrs Justa and Fall

43 Things Tags: Fall,God,Beauty,cold,apples,life,reflection

Fall, a time of year when God paints the world in brilliant colors. Colors of reds, yellows, browns, oranges, splashed between green and rust. Fall, a time of reflection of the year that has past. Look at this brilliant red, it is effervescent.It almost appeared like there was a light in the middle of the bush accentuating its richness. Fall. Cooler nights, frost on the windows, the dew on the grass is crisp, a nip in the air that when we breathe it in, it makes our lungs stiffen for a moment.  

Fall, when we pull out our snow tires and put away our yard ornaments, we grab our rakes and chase the leaves into piles, when we buy extra bird seed for the wild birds.

When the crock pot comes out from hiding, and soups and chili become meals that are longed for.

Fall, when shiny crisp apples are in high demand, and apple cider is on display at the stores. We begin to wear darker colors, and coats come out of hibernation. Shoes start having covered toes on them, sandals go into hiding. Sweaters hug our warmth in and shorts are tucked in the back of the drawer. Fall, as I drive to work I begin to see wisps of smoke coming from the furnace pipes and chimneys. A blanket , a couch and a nice book are replacements for a towel on the warm sand at the beach.

Fall, fields of brown corn stalks, pumpkins, plowed fields. Wood being split and stacked in neat piles, mowers get put to the back of the garage or shed. Fall, I love fall, find the beauty in it, for it goes too quick. Love to all. Mrs Justa.

Mrs Justa not being persuaded by the media

Once again I am feeling kinda

overpowered by the government and the faults of our society. Financial markets are not doing very well, heck I just checked my measly 401 K and it was down by 7,000 dollars. But do ya know what I did?? I went on line and sent in a request to INCREASE my contribution by 3 % of my gross. Money is so tight right now, costs have skyrocketed, but my little brain is looking at the costs of stock right now and thinking 3% may not buy much, but whatever it does buy will be more and  what it can buy will  grow along with what I have in there now.

The worse thing we can do is panic.

The darn 24 hr cable news is always looking for sensationalism, and this just happens to be the subject of the moment, and they are scaring the public. We have to have faith in our own selves, and not follow the pathway that the news folks are scaring us to go. We have to be patient, which is hard in the instant society in which we live.The bank can only mend ( photo is courtesy of  www.inmagine.com ) if we help to mend it.  You know that is true, look at each thing they sink their teeth into, and chew it until there is nothing left. Talk about dead horse beaters...

We need to turn off the TV,

play a game with the family, invite a few friends over for a game of cards, rent a movie , go for a walk, do something to help time pass by, and hang on, it is going to be tight for a while. For those with jobs, this is not the right time to get annoyed and do a version of "take this job and shove it" . There is nothing harder then not working and feeling like what you know, you can not find a job in. I can find myself in that same boat, and I am already trying to think of other things I could do. We all have a lot to offer, when we put our hearts and minds into it.

Maybe in some sort of way

this is a divine intervention, we have our priorities messed up, we are in such a greedy world, we need to be less me and more God. Stop, believe in yourself, don't follow the masses, listen to your heart, do not react on panic, and take quiet time, pray for guidance and trust. I truly believe it will be okay. I am praying for all of you. Love Mrs Justa.

43 Things Tags: money,budgets,God,government,news media,faith,work,family

Mrs Justa and the 2nd debate??

The great debate !!! You have got to be kidding me. I chose this photo ( courtesy of www.news.com.au) because these rocks have more personality and excitement then I feel that either of the candidates had in debate number 2. IN my humble opinion, there is more thought in these 2 pieces of compressed sand and minerals then either person brought to the table. One might want to go to http://www.factcheck.org/ and see what the facts are, cuz neither of these 2 guys have their information correct.

I am tired, and disgusted - ONCE AGAIN_ because I so wanted one of them to

A) answer the questions..B) indicate something about their real plans...C) throw out their repeated phrases and be REAL!!! We are being asked to entrust our lives in their hands, and they mud sling, state anything- who cares if it is accurate, one is arrogant, one wants us to be his friend, ..it was made clear to me that the debate really did nothing to impress me either way. I think those locked in on Barack- well they feel he did well, and those for John- well they think he did well.

Don't these guys see that the debate is a time to make a dramatic impression on the undecideds- to bring hope, some substance to the cloudiness in our minds of who stands for what.

"My friends" - as one of the guys said no less then 22 times last night- this is kinda scary. If I vote for neither then I have wasted a vote, if I vote for either, then I am saying the person is who I want to lead our country.

We have one more debate to go, I really hope one of these guys will come out of their canned speeches and phrases and show us something. Maybe it is me, I am a kinda simple minded person, but I do not get how these 2 are the best the country has to offer.

Until later, I will be banging my head on the proverbial wall, Love Mrs justa

43 Things Tags: debate,presidential candidates,hope,lost,frustrated

Mrs Justa and Brandon

43 Things Tags: Brandon,love,grandparenting,Jeff,Amanda,life

Oh I was a little sleepy this morning, but Grandma and Grandpa got to spend time with lil Brandon last evening. The lil guy had slept a little during the day, so when we got to his house we were advised that anyone who held him would need to try to let him sleep.

Not a problem for Grandma! I held the lil guy on my shoulder and he slept till about 10:00. He cuddled and slept, I was following instructions. I wanted to pass him the grandpa, but I did not want to wake him, he needed his sleep.

It is funny, as I look back in life how quickly life goes by, it is hard to believe he is already 7 weeks old ( almost!)

What a precious little bundle of wonder.

I wonder what he will be like in a week, in a month , in a year. It is so hard to imagine him anything but this innocent tiny baby. He is in a very special home, loved by his mom and dad incredibly deeply.

He has so much a head of him, a whole life, and here I am thinking about living on this planet for almost 55 years now, what did people think of me when I was 7 weeks old? I can not remember my mom telling me about how it was in those first few months, and now there is no one to tell me.

My mom, my dad have all passed on. My grandmother died when I was 4 and there are no other relatives around that would remember my first 2 months of life. I do have a sister that is 10 yrs older then me, but I am not sure if she would remember then.

So my advice to new parents is write things down, take lots of photos, and leave a journal of the life of your children so that when they are 55, and if you are no longer around, they have an image of life back when they were babies.

Peace, sleep tight lil Brandon, love to all....

Mrs Justa and the Fall

Fall, I think it is one of my favorite seasons of the year, that and spring. Fall brings fresh apples, peaches and hay . Fall reminds us that we can go outside and actually feel the refreshing air of temps in the 60s. The world in CNY becomes a pastel oil painting with yellows and reds, oranges, greens and browns splashed everywhere you turn.

Fall means apple cider, and out door camp fires, pumpkins carved out and the knowledge of colder days to come. Fall is a sign of an ending of another year. Fall means Halloween, walking in crisp leave piles, putting away the summer yard ornaments and moving the holiday stuff closer to the shed door.

It is a time of cleansing to me, a time of starting over, saying this chapter in my life is turning to the last page and a new one is about to begin. It reminds me that I need to start thinking about Thanksgiving and having the plans start for a family meal.

Planning for special times at Christmas. I do not go nuts at Christmas, I try to do home made things, things from my heart and not a quick purchase to say it is done.

It is a time, that society has pushed the Christmas season too close to, merchants take so much of the fall season away from us, the stores seem to go from Halloween to Christmas- forget about Thanksgiving.

To me though, I treasure each day. I know not how many more Falls God will bless me with, I know not who I may never see again. I soak in the fall sunrises. Have you ever noticed them, the sky looks like a fall sky! The clod front clouds lining the horizon, making it clear that things are changing. Yes I love fall. Do take a moment and enjoy it too. For it comes quick and leaves quicker. Look for the colors, look for the field of golden crops, grab a pumpkin, and stop and smell the wood fires. Until later, Mrs Justa signing off.

43 Things Tags: Fall,seasons,crispness,God,blessings,Thanksgiving

mrs Justa sick of it all

43 Things Tags: money,wanting,spoiled,wasting time,politics

Through the fog what is left.  (photo is courtesy of adobe.)I wonder when the dust is cleared, the elections are over, the financial direction goes in what ever way it goes, what is left?
Will I be able to afford to drive to work? Will my small amount in my savings account be worthless? Will we be able to keep what we own, and what we owe on?

What is the future going to bring?
I am so tired of the talking on the cable news, on the talk radio, I am tired of people thinking the troubles of the world just happened. Look around you, look at your life, look at your environment, look at your family, your friends.

We all have more then we need , really, look at how little people  need really.

Some folks want the best car, the biggest house, the largest TV, the most channels, the IPODs , cell phones for everyone in the family, video games, internet, the most clothes, 200.00 bucks a week in groceries.

I am tired of the spending, the wasting. We need to stop and just really ask ourselves... what do we really NEED.

I am off, I am tired, and going to chill. Love to all, Mrs Justa 

Mrs Justa and nursing

Well the best of me has got the best of me! I just faxed out a resume, cover letter and application to a local hospital for being considered for a per diem position. I have to tell you, I am really excited about the possibility to get back into  a clinical setting again. I am still going to work full time in management at a local 3rd party administrator for self insured plans, and I do like that type of work.

My heart though has always been in patient care. I really love helping people and in a hospital setting, well people are at very trying times in their lives. I always tried to provide the best possible care, take time to explain what was happening and planned and to listen to the patients and their loved ones.

I went into nursing to support those without loved ones , those who were dying, I never wanted a patient I was caring for to die alone. I would stay a little late to be with them if needed.

I went into nursing to try to make the stress of a sudden illness a little easier for the patient.

So we will see, who knows if I will get the position or not. But I really hope that I do. Per diem means at this facility, that I would work every other weekend, 15 hrs minimum. It will be a good thing if I get it, I will unfortunately be away from home a little more, but I think I will feel better about myself if I get it.

Wish me luck. Love to all, Mrs Justa

43 Things Tags: nursing,health care,helping others

Mrs Justa cautioning the use of words.

..."the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell." James 3

Words hurt , words can not be taken back, words get molding into our psyche and comeback at us at various times. Words are something that no longer belong to us once we say them, they are directed at someone else. We can not pretend like they never came out, and no matter if we say we are sorry, the word is gone, imbedded in another person- or other peoples hearts, minds, souls.

Enough ugliness happens to individuals every day in this world, with out any of us creating a living wound made from words.

I say this as I listen to others in the stores, and how they talk to one another. I say it as I hear the political ads, and the attacks that each others speech writers make on the opponent.

The "talking heads" of cable TV talk shows. I say this as I come out of a doctors office and hear the receptionists talking, thinking no one can hear them. I say this for the children of the world who hear what is being said in their homes, but the parents do not think they do.

My personal life has been filled with hurtful words. And sometimes when I least expect it, a song, a place, a moment brings back the words, and they surface to the top, often I hear the voice and tone as if it was just being said now.

Oh I am not saying my whole life has been bad- no that is not it. But I have had many times where I was not the prettiest, the thinnest, the most nicely dressed, the smartest, the wealthiest, in a situation. Obesity has been a curse on me, I am not pretending not to have dealt with it my whole life. And I try to get over it and loose the zillion pounds I have, but I have never achieved it for very long, I know I am the only one to take care of it, I have lost 45 pounds, but I am holding there. But people are cruel, they must think obese people can not hear. In my life I have had people make oinking noises as I walk by, or say things that are insulting.Not recently, but that does not matter- because the words the noises, they are there, and can come out at any time.

So my request for everyone is think about the other person, what if you were them. And use your tongue for praises, for praying, for grace, for appreciation.. make this world a better place and just be kind.  Thank God for what you have, appreciate what you have been blessed with and find the goodness in life. Love, Mrs Justa

43 Things Tags: words,insults,fighting,blessing,appreciation

Mrs Justa and Friends

43 Things Tags: friends,life,love,real,memories

There are some thoughts on Friends that Paul Williams wrote-

" Friends are like good wine, And I've had the best; I don't always show it, But no one knows better than I..."

And that is so true. Mark and I have friends that are always there. Cherished and loved. They do not judge us, they just are there. We do not judge them, we just love knowing them.

We do not see our friends nearly enough, but when we do we always have a great time. We laugh, we share our thoughts, we tease each other and we create smiles imprinted in our minds that no one can take away.

"Friends love your good side and they live with your bad; Want you and need you when no one else knows you're alive." Wow, is that not true? This morning we had breakfast with some friends that have know Mark since high school.

They have to be the most genuine people I know. They are real, and even though I have not known them for as long as they have known Mark, they accept me in part of their friendship. I meant them in the late 1980s so I have known them for a while now. We always have a great time when we get together, and I never want the time to end. The nice thing is knowing that it will not be too long before we all get together again.

I have some friends that I have meant in nursing and I have one friend who I have known since 1963. It is weird because we work together now, and have on and off in the past 20 years. We went to nursing school together. I have a few more friends I meant at Crouse and one I meant in 1995 when I went into insurance review nursing. All these people are true friends to me. We do not hang out like people we know out of work, but we are close and really care about one another.

And we have some blogging friends. Their relationships are fairly new, but they too seem very sincere. They are real people, not afraid to put their feeling out for others to see. And that is so important, because peer relationships help others see that what they are experiencing is not unique.

To all the friends, thanks for being there. And be safe, take care of yourself. Love, Mrs Justa

So to our friends, we have not tons of friends, but we have true friends, thanks for being there. .

Mrs Justa and freedom of cares

43 Things Tags: freedom,frolic,joy,happiness,carefree

Can you say happy? Can you say in his glory? When was the last time you felt that way? When was the last time you found nothing but joy in your life? Indi was in pure, ultimate joy. He got to go "bye bye in the car" and got to go for a walk in the park, with the breeze coming off the lake, he brings a 3-D image of what "frolic" means. Look at that smile! You can almost feel his lightness as he pranced through the rich green grass.

Whoa, when was the last time I felt that free of any cares in the world. It is hard to say but I can not remember a time . Maybe when I learned to ride a bike and that moment my dad let go of the seat and I was free, wind blowing in my face and a step towards independence.

As a 10-13 year old, I road my bike all over the suburban track we liked in, I can remember letting go of the handle bar and balancing as I propelled down the roads. Not a care in the world, me, God and the breeze. Maybe that was when.

It is funny how the more independent I became, the more pressures came with it. Where to live, who to relate with, bills to pay, cars needed to get to the job I had to do. Balancing all the variables of life .

For indi- he will never have those stressors, he will always be like this. Smiling, romping, and being our best friend. He was so tired that night when the sun set and the day ended. He was tired from over joy.... we were tired from life.

May you have a free moment in life every once in awhile.. and smile a smile for Indi. Love Mrs Justa

Mrs Justa on time

43 Things Tags: time,friends,family,loss,treaured moments

" If I could save time in a bottle, this first thing that I'ld like to do, is to >>>" How would you finish that sentence? I am pondering this as I hear the tons of news reports going over the devastation from this most recent hurricane. And thinking of those who chose to stay behind, to challenge the storm, those whose lives may in danger, and I wonder what they would save if they could save time in a bottle.

Would it be the challenge of fighting a force much bigger then we are? Would it be special moments with a friend, a loved one, a moment , what would it be?

For me, I would save times of freedom from stress, I would save minutes with precious people that have passed on, I would save my sons laughter as a toddler and child, I would save cuddling him at night and reading to him. I would save the moment I met Mark, and the moment I meant my first husband, the moment I graduated from nursing school, watching my son graduate from high school, watching him and Adrianne graduate from college, Watching them both marry the love of their lives, the first time I held Brandon,sitting on my dads lap ( God I miss him so), my mom's wisdom, having good friends, feeling wanted. That would be what I would save in a bottle. How about you? My prayers that you treasure those special moments, Cindy

Mrs Justa and Mr Justa

43 Things Tags: llife,depression,Mark,Healing,improving

Don't look too quick, or you will miss him. Here he is. Mr Justa. This recliner has been his support, his comfort, his life for the majority of the past year and 2/3rds. He is trying to get better, trying to overcome the obstacles that life has in his path. Indi is always by his side, as he is in this shot. Indi is a good companion, although there are times when he can be a pest, wanting to play ball over and over again.

Mr Justa is coming out of the depression. He is beginning to see light instead of darkness. I AM THRILLED. I know it takes a long time to overcome the lowest part of depression, it hurts to watch someone go through it, and it is hard being a cheerleader to someone who can't believe what you are saying. But my cheering will continue, I will support him through this all, and I know things will continue to improve.

Life at the house is okay, Money is incredibly tight, but money is not everything. I had a doctors appointment this afternoon, so I took 1/2 a day off, and we tag teamed mowed after I got home. Mark uses the rider, I pushed around the parameter of the house, the shed and around the bushes that line the property line.

It took us about an hr, it was 70 degrees out, a slight breeze, it felt good and it looks great.

I want to thank everyone for their prayers and well wishes for Mark and his recovery. Without them  this would be much tougher. And I do believe soon, there may be more of MR Justa and less of me. Love to all, Mrs Justa.

Mrs Justa and the proverbial fruits

43 Things Tags: life,expectations,earning things

There is an old Greek Proverb " He who will have the fruit must climb the tree" (Courtesy of picasaweb.google.com)

That is so true. We must earn what we want out of life, work for it, Nothing should come easy. I see kids that have everything handed to them on a platter- and as they grow up, they expect for things to be handed to them. They expect that life owes them instead of that life is waiting for them to earn it.

I was in a management class a few months ago, and it was delineating the different generations and how the societal environment makes people different in their life and work ethics. Now I really HATE generalizing, and I know there are some people no matter what generation that do not fit the mold. The idea of the class was to show how we stereo type ages, and also that different generation groups are different in their expectations and their feelings of entitlement or appreciation.

I do find there is a difference. Again, it is not across the board. However, when I have worked with the 50-65 age group they are normally always on time, they tend to try hard to keep their job, they do not gripe about others and they are frugal.

The 30-40 age group are more computer savvy, carry themselves about differently, maybe even with more confidence, sometimes - and it may not be aware to them, but a sense of arrogance at times.

The 20-30 yr olds seem to have a little less understanding of how precious every minute is at work. You can catch them sneaking in text messages at times, chit chatting when work is piling up , sneaking in 5-15 minutes late, they are hard workers, when they are working, but sometimes seem to be lax.

I found this in various settings of where I have worked , where I shop or do business, and again it is not always, not everyone, but it is definitely apparent if you look for it. We all have to remember that life is not meant to be handed on a silver platter, and to appreciate something, it needs to be felt, earned, and a challenge to get.

Good luck in your endeavors, and until later, I am going to sign off and pick some proverbial fruits. Love, Mrs Justa

Mrs Justa feeling lost...

I feel like a lost soul on the cyberspace road way. Have I told ya that I sometimes HATE computers... well tonight is one of those nights. I came in to update our excel file of our expenses in the checking account and all is gone! It says it does not recognize the format or the program it was done on- yet it was done on this computer. I had it stored on a g drive- guess that was not a good idea. The fricken g drive ate my information.

So here we are faced with having to reenter all the info--- grrrr.

Hand written ledgers never did that. Yes, I feel like I am rambling on this path, not sure where I am headed, have no idea where all my stuff has gone, and feeling like there is  no end.

Kinda felt that way in the moving adventure a few months ago, I kept packing, and there was more to pack, more to move, more to reorganize. I swear I will NEVER move again. I am sure PR can relate to that right now!

Going around the kitchen still it is like where's Waldo trying to remember where I placed some item that is not often used.
I laugh at myself, as I open a cupboard to see if I chose the right door. It will probably take me another few months before I get it all straight.

Mark said he will help me with this excel nightmare this weekend, I am going to at least start reentering the info tonight. But I gotta tell ya, it is really yanking my chain! So as I stroll through the last 3 + months of check ledgers, think of me as I fumble through the seemingly endless path . Love to all, Mrs Justa. ( PS Mr Justa is coming along, a little at a time, he is here in spirit !)

43 Things Tags: lost,computers,dreading

Mrs Justa on abuse

43 Things Tags: abuse,harm,being blind,helping a child

"Somebody cries in the middle of the night
The neighbors hear, but they turn out the lights
A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate
When morning comes it'll be too late

Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel

A statue stands in a shaded place
An angel girl with an upturned face
A name is written on a polished rock
A broken heart that the world forgot

Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel" 

Today is dedicated to a little girl I do not know,

a little girl that the news clips say was murdered. A homicide they say. This song I have sung in karaoke bars, Martina McBride sang this song a few years back. No one really knows the story of this child, or many more like her, but the thought of going through life, however long it may be, and being abused, it is so troubling to me. Abuse is a game of Satan, it eats those victims alive, it mars and scars them , and often, no one sees the scars or ugliness.

Oh people can assume, or after something happens and it is known this person is a victim, then we can look in our rear view mirrors of life and say- I should have seen it, I should have known. May you rest in peace , oh little one, and may the gates of heaven and the golden streets, take away all your pain.

And please, if you think there is a child in need, do not turn away, call and leave a tip on a hot line or to the police. Love and peace, Cindy

Mrs Justa and never claiming to be MR Justa...

43 Things Tags: depression,anxiety,overwhelmed,Mark,disappointment

I was reading some of the blogs of friends Mark had encountered during his blogging days and on one there were some comments posted that referred to Mark's blog and that "I took it over".  I must admit I was hurt, maybe disappointed in the misinterpretation of my intent of writing on this blog. I am unaware how many of you have ever dealt with SEVERE depression, the kind that sucks your energy out, the kind that makes every day seem worthless, the kind that makes a person not care about a darn thing. Well when Mark hit low, I knew he had blogging friends so I thought I would post on what was going on, I guess I was doing it because I thought people cared about what was happening.And I truly believe that some have appreciated it.

I did it so that once MR Justa ( Mark) felt he was able to jump on, you would already know what had happened in the past months. In doing this, there have been some people who have continued to comment, and as soon as I see a comment I thought I was posting it. There are people who have commented that I felt a bond with, because they are so real, so sincere.

I have NEVER screened comments or chosen not to post them. I do however not get on line every day. My job takes me away from home 12 - 13 hrs a day. I manage about 20 people and often have things I bring home with me to do.

I have a house to run, a husband who is healing , a dog, cat and parakeet, and now a new grandson. Life is so busy for me. We have just moved into a new place and there have been a lot of things I have had to help out with, if not do myself. Marks depression and very low state caused him to be admitted 2 times in patient, so along with the hrs I worked, I too had the 50 mile one way trek to the hospital every day. And I would not change anything I have had to do.

I never meant to disappoint anyone, and for the person who commented the "something is just not right"- well I gotta agree with you,our life here has not felt right for a very long time. I can not possibly every expect to be Mark on line, again that was not my intent. I am not versed on bi-polar--- so referencing this site for bi-polar right now is probably not a great reference. Marks doc says he has depression and anxiety disorder and not bi-polar--- I do not know. I used this photo because it represents the void that is felt by him not posting, and again, I will post, but it is not to "take over" Mark's site, it was because I love him, and he really worked hard to make this site what it was, so my intent was to give it some oxygen, to keep it alive, until one day he begins to feel alive again too.