I'm kinda Numb!

It's Friday, The day after the closing on the house

That's right it finally happened. We closed on the house yesterday then Cindy and I drove up to the town of Granby town hall to get our Permits for the building to start. Dan from G&I homes called and said that they would be starting the site work Friday afternoon. They would probably be pouring the concrete Saturday. It is all so anticlimactic for me now. The bank dragged it out so much that the excitement for the event has long gone. Maybe as they start making the progress on the slab it will come back for me. Cindy and I are going to try to go up and get some pictures of the progress and will post them if we get them.

I'm on day three of my Lithium and boy does it make you tired

It also gives you diarrhea, and the shakes. I'm having a great time. I'm bound and determined to give this stuff a good test though. The Dr. Said it will take a while to start working and the prescription only cost me $.80. For that money I can afford to ride it out to see if its going to work.

I had a big spike in visitors to this blog  the other day.

12 new hits. I don't understand where the traffic comes from but it sure does help to know other people are reading the words and that some are getting something out of them. I'm not going on other blogs and commenting like I was earlier I just don't feel like I have anything to bring to the table that is worthwhile. I hope to get back to reading and enjoying other blogs soon.

Picture courtesy of my blogging buddy Precious rock on her new blog In living color

I put this picture on because that's where I feel like I am right now.

The desert of my life. The Workmans Comp rep called me today and now I have to meet with him because I quit that job and after that call I had a call from my Psych Drs office telling me that they were dropping me because they don't handle workmen's comp cases. I tried explaining that it wasn't a Workman's comp case but they would have nothing to do with my explanation. I am like reeling here folks. What's next is Gas going to keep rising, are my grocery bills going to continue to go up. The next thing I know there will be a friggin Dumocrat in office and my taxes will go up. I feel like I have stepped of into a parallel universe. Maybe this isn't really happening. Maybe if I an wake up this will all just go away. NOTTTTTTTT! One more thing Dan, from G&I homes called later in the day and said that they wouldn't be starting the site work until Monday now. I'm going to go ahead and publish this thing now before I get another call and things change again. Have a great day.

43 Things Tags: Feeling sorry for self,whining,antoher rant

I'm justa checking in.

This is my I'm still here post.

After posting almost every day since I started blogging back in January I went through a couple of days where I just didn't feel like posting. I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed what with the move, the new job and the bipolar episode all just hitting me with the perfect storm.So I took a Friday and Saturday off and I'm not going to push it to far today either. I feel somewhat better today. Thanks for the comments and the encouragement of my blogging buddies.

So real quick here is what is going on.

Friday I did my ride along for the driving job. I know the route all ready but will do one more ride along to fine tune in my mind the way things go. Then I believe Starting Tuesday I will be doing the route on my own. I'm not 100% sure though as the new boss has changed her story about the job a couple of times all ready. First it was supposed to be $10.00 an hr to start now she is saying it's $9.00 to start with a raise to $10.00 rather quickly. Then she is hedgeing a little on it being every day, to maybe it being a 2 weeks on 2 weeks off schedule. So I have to see how that plays out. She said to be patient that it may take a month to get things straightened out.

I'm really stressed out about how the new job 

plays into my Workmans Comp and the fact that a hearing will be coming up soon.This job is only part time and in the long term I need to work full time. I have to be patient and let things play out as they will. It's not my nature to wait and see. I'm more a make it happen kind of guy so this is my main stress producer.

Oh I do have some good news.

Cindy was able to get me in to see a Psych Dr. This coming Wednesday. I'm pretty excited about this as maybe I can finally get my medicine straightened out and get back to somewhat feeling normal again. I have been in this last episode of my disorder now since January so I can't remember what normal is. I just know that if how I feel now becomes my normal I wouldn't be able to function very well. So wish me luck with my appointment.

This has been a quick update. There is a lot more going on but I don't want to ramble. Thanks for checking back in. Hopefully more to follow. My posting times may change and I may not post everyday but I'll give it a shot. Preciousrock has a new camera so make sure you watch what you wear if you go to the laundry mat.

I'm justa grateful for my friends and family

The pod came today

Right in the time frame that they said it would. I've been anxious for it to get here so I could start loading it. As soon as the guy left after dropping it off I borrowed the next door neighbors cart and started bringing the bins out 3 at a time. I was actually feeling somewhat productive until the pain from my knee and my lower back  because of all the inactivity kicked in. I continued carrying the boxes anyway and have only stopped as I'm at an impasse as to how to load this thing. I think it will hold quite a bit. I have a whole roll of bins in but now it's time to stuff things in holes and shore up the piles. I think I need to wait till my honeys comes home and stupervises me. With two of us doing things we ought to be able to be very productive.

I'm going to take a few pictures like in stages

just to show you how much these things hold. We didn't get any pictures today though so today will probably be a post without  pictures. Cindy came home and as I suspected we were able to focus and finished putting all the boxes and bins that are packed into the pod. It shows us that we aren't that far from being done and that we have to pace ourselves a little differently as we still have almost 3 wks minimum before we can move into the new place.

It's pathetic how much I lean on Cindy for support

I feel so inadequate at times and she just completes me. She helps me focus and remain functional. I don't know how to express it but sometimes it makes me seem so vulnerable without her around. Like when she's at work. I'm sure it's not healthy for me to be so dependent on her for direction. I'm hoping that as I get back into the work force this will change.

I'm also very grateful for the support I've gotten from you all.

There are plenty of times where I've wanted to just quit this blog but it has taken on a life of it's own now and I feel a responsibility to continue. Do any of you ever feel this way  sometimes? I'm taking Sunday off from blogging and will be back Monday sometime. My times for posting may change as my upcoming schedule changes, but I will still try to post at least once a day. Thanks to all of you that keep coming back and commenting and thanks to you that I know are reading it inspires me to blog on. Have a great weekend every one. Seize the day. I'm sure going to try to.

Justa gettin it done!

Here is one half of H&S landscaping cutting the front yard. Jeff and his buddy Justin started a landscaping business a few years back. The are very busy and very smart the way they go about doing their business. They are putting everything they make back into the business. Paying for new equipment and really building up a strong client base. We were lucky to get them to put us on the schedule.

But this year we are customers. The problem Jeff has is with realizing that this is a business arrangement. He wants to cut the grass for free and I (we) want to pay him $20.00 per cut. So far they have cut the yard twice and no bill has come sooooo. Cindy put a check for $40.00 in with some mail we had for him.

He saw it and got kind of upset saying that somehow we would get it back. Tell me if you have an opinion on this. Should we pay Jeff & Justin to mow the yard? Is it ok to have a business arrangement with family? My thing is that it cost them money for their gas & time and travel time to get to our house they should be compensated fairly for that. If I had someone else do it I didn't know, I'd have to pay. As you an see they have the equipment to do the job. They do a very good job and it can't take them more than 15 mins. max to do it. Our lawn was the last one they did for the day and we were the 10th yard they did. Not bad for not starting till afternoon.

 

 

On the job front that is going at a snails pace. It turns out I have to personally go down to the Insurance company and let them make a copy of my license to run it to see if I am clean. Then my appointment for my finger print test to run the FBI check on me isn't until next Tuesday June 3rd. This actually works out pretty good as I have an afternoon appointment up in Oswego Ny to start the process of getting in to see a shrink. So I'll stop into the insurance company in Syracuse at about 9:00am then come home let Indy back out and hot foot it up to Oswego for my 2:00pm appt with the outpatient mental health clinic. I'm starting to feel like Stan.A little overwhelmed with all the new stuff. My little routine of just getting up, then taking a nap when ever I want to is almost over. I don't know how often I'll be able to post as I get busy with the moving, the new job, and appts with shrinks. I shouldn't be down and out for to long.

I had some major high anxiety yesterday my compensation is coming to an end and a settlement is near. I'm going to have to do some fighting to get some proper compensation I don't want to rattle on about it yet this post is long enough already. Just suffice it to say major stresses right now have brought out the Adavan. I took one last night it seems to have helped as I got about 41/2 hrs of sleep in a row. That is a lot for me. I'll let everyone know tomorrow how my various activities I have today go. Gotta run have a great day. I'm going to try to.

LiveJournal Tags: Stresses in life,Mental health,Lawn mowing

Justa moving on up!

Ok here is the scoop.

We are going to be able to go through with buying the house. We have to cough up another $3677.00 for an additional down payment.This will bring our total down payment to about $10,000 This will bring the numbers in line for the appraisal for the bank.The total cost of the package with the home on land will be $110,000 Cindy is taking a loan out on her 401k at work for the additional money needed. We have 5 years to pay it back at about $70.00 a month.We were tempted to just say the heck with it and just sell our trailer we live in now and move into an apartment or townhouse.

When we did a list of pro and cons,the Pros won.

So here we go. Back in the saddle for our move. Our holding pattern will be over. Full steam ahead. After this weekend we will be back to full steam packing again. It really is the best thing over all. We will be in a brand new home on 1 acre of land for about the same thing it is costing us here at the park.

Speaking of the park.

We just got some paperwork from the park with all the new rules and regulations. In them they want us to sign a lease. If you don't sign a lease you can go month to month but it will cost you an extra $45.00 per month. They want to charge $10.00 per month extra per pet. That would  be another $20.00 as we have Indy and Imus.These are just a few of the things that would bug me. Lot rent is only $300.00 per month so you know they are going to be raising that soon. It's just so time to get out of the park. That is one of the variables for us deciding to get the new home.

On the job for me front.

I have an interview tomorrow night at 7:00pm wish me luck. I feel pretty good about it. It will be nice to get back to work and get out of the house every day, even though it is only for four hours. It's a start anyway. She has some full time runs maybe I can transition into one of them some day. Maybe I'll find that four hrs a day is enough with everything else going on in my life.

The Bipolar seems to be most of the way at bay right now.

Taking 1/2 dose of the Abilify every 3rd day seems to keep me at a level I can manage most days. I took half of a dose last night so today ought to be a groggy day for me. I may have to take an extra nap. My knee is a little better but will never be all the way ok. I'm still 8 degrees from my leg going straight so this will be a permanent disability. At least I can still walk even though I'll have a pretty good limp now. I can get around Wally world if I hang on to the cart when I'm walking. I feel it if I walk to much though.

Not justa nother basket!

Not just another basket

No this is not just any basket. This is the "man basket" it has replaced the small overstuffed glass bowl. See what you have started Amanda. This is going to become a world wide phenomena. Women every where are going to be coming up missing their bread baskets. Fox news will be breaking in with "breaking news" Where in the world are the bread baskets disappearing to? Hell I bet even Greata Van Sustren will have a weeks worth of coverage on it. Amanda my daughter in law started this by taking a picture of my "Man bowl" on Sunday. I blogged about it and it took on a life of its own even my blogging buddy Presiousrock on her blog One Bipolar Life got in on the act. She posted a whole blog on using baskets instead of glass bowls.Check out my comment to her in her comment section. She even set one up for her son. (Look what you have started Amanda) I must admit. My "man basket" is much neater and presents itself better in a picture than the "man bowl" did. Thanks Amanda and Presiousrock.Wife's of the world. Sorry about that.

Speaking of baskets

Mr. Obama just about has the nomination in his shopping basket doesn't he? The old wicked witch of the east just will not die gracefully. Soon she will have to admit defeat and go away quietly into the sunset. Her and Bill riding off into the sunset on a jackass. Hopefully never to be heard from again. But I know that's a pipe dream. A reasonable person can hope can't they. Speaking of stinking up the joint... My beloved Yankees are playing like a bunch of losers. Heck I even tried wearing the same Yankee sweatshirt for two days in a row. Nothing seems to be working. We want Joe, We want Joe, We want Joe.

On my job front.

Things are looking up with that. My lawyer says it would be ok for me to take the part time job I'm looking into. It would qualify me for reduced earnings from Workman's Compensation until we went to a hearing to determine the out come of my case I would make a little more money than I have been I'll keep you informed of that.

I missed my Chiropractor appointment on Monday.

It was supposed to be Monday morning at 10:30, so around 3:30 in the afternoon I get a call from my Chiropractor informing me I had missed the appointment.(Can you say embarrassed?)I had forgotten to put it on my calendar of appointments. We rescheduled for today I should go down there and sleep in the car tonight just to be there on time. I hate when that happens. I'm probably the only one that has ever done this. None of you has ever missed a Dr's appt have you?

BuzzNet Tags: Dead Horse beater,Drama King,Dumocrats,Ny Yankees

Justa in a holding pattern!

Money Fun Fact

It is three times more likely for a person driving 10 miles to purchase a Lotto ticket to be killed in a car accident than to win the jackpot.Source: motherjones.com

Save Money at SavingAdvice.com, now this makes you think doesn't it? The moral to this story is let someone else drive you to the store to buy your ticket. See there is a way around every problem.

I have this scam that I am running that is working pretty good. I just got back from stopping in and talking to Jeff. We were sharing our wit and wisdom so you know it couldn't have been a very long conversation from my perspective anyway. That being said. Before I could escape out the door, Jeff forcibly made me eat a Sausage Patty on the grille. That is three days in a row that I have eaten a meal at Jeff & Amanda's. If I can keep this up for 30 days just think how low I could get our grocery bill down to.:) I told Jeff that for sure

Mike my employment councilor from the workmen's comp carrier sent me over a possible job lead. It was enticing. But I'm already following up this lead on the van driving job. I don't want to get too many coals in the fire. It's hard enough to remember what I had for breakfast let alone what I told this or that person I could or couldn't do. One at a time is how I'm going to approach it. I really like the sounds of this driving job. So I will keep you posted on those developments.

In another minor development the deal on the house we were trying to buy may fall through once again. It is too fresh and still a little uncertain yet to talk about. It has to do with appraisals of like property in the area and us maybe needing to come up with some more money. I'll post on this a little more in the next day or so. So hang on. This is justa nother day in the life of the Justakrusen's. Never a dull moment,

I justa lost a post somewhere

I had a new post all done for today. I don't know what happened to it. The computers were acting up last night I pressed save and poof gone. It had a picture of me of the way things were going. Yesterday was one of those days that I was just as soon forget. So that's what I'm going to do. JUST FORGET IT. I  can reproduce the picture easy enough but I'm just going to link to it. When you see it you'll understand what kind of day it was. Today is a new day.

Cindy is taking this morning off to help me attend to some of the things we have to do.

1. Go to Oswego college book store to get Jeff's tassle for his graduation this coming Saturday. (See I never mentioned that did I?)
2. Go to Town of Granby to talk to Girl about our Building permit. Also need to talk to Water Clerk about hooking to the City water. (This was in my other post)
3. Need to Call Bob (The person doing our site prep) about changes in the water hook up. Instead of the well we have to hook to the city water.
4. Sometime in the next few days I need to get up to Fulton to sign up for the new job I have. (Looking for a job)  Somewhere in all this mess of trying to move and dealing with my bipolar I need to start my job search.They've determined that I can do light duty type of work 8 hrs a day. If any body has any leads or ideas let me know. I'm thinking of working with the disabled maybe driving a van or in a residential setting. This is an Idea I have to be working on in the coming weeks. I have some accountability to Mike from the Insurance company on this.

So I'm pressed for time this morining now and i'm going to keep this short. Here is the link to the picture that shows how I feel right now. Check this out I hope your having a great day. Thanks for stopping buy. Feel free to leave a comment if your so inclined. I'm justa saying!

BuzzNet Tags: Drama king,having fun,pouting

Justa looking for a Niche?

 

 

Good Question!

joke from my friends at Arcamax. Picture by Cindy. Man can she run fast!

Bob couldn't believe it -- he'd made it to the last round of his favorite game show. "Congratulations, Bob," said the emcee. "Answer correctly and you go home with five million dollars!

"This is a two-part question on American history," he continued. "The second half of the question is always easier. Which part would you like first?"

Bob figured he'd play it safe. "I think I'll try the second part of the question first."

The emcee nodded approvingly, while the audience was silent with anticipation.

"Okay, Bob, here is your question: And in what year did it happen?"

And you thought you were having a tough day!

I go to a lot of different blogs every day

Some of them I go on because I'm subscribed to the email feed and it just reminds me to check in with their updated post. I'm constantly amazed at the talent of people to express themselves and to assimilate the information that helps us all on a daily basis. I thought I'd do a who's who of Blogs that I check in with from time to time. In no particular order is:

• Tom Stine.com Tom has become a fast friend on the Internet. I look forward to his updates and often engage in quite interesting discussions with Tom and his growing list of commenter's. If you want to check out Spirituality ,Awakening and Personal Growth, check out his site.
• The Simple Dollar Financial talk for the rest of us. Check out Trent's  Rss Feedburner numbers on the upper right of his blog. That's not why I read his blog. Every day Trent has useful, thought provoking ,and in my opinion valuable information that will save us money. I'm also subscribed to his email updates. (Are you seeing a trend here?)
• The Growing Life Alternative Productivity, Anti-Hacks for living. Clay is a wise beyond his years guy that is going to show us how to hack in to life on a daily basis. I'm subscribed into his email feed and wouldn't want to miss a day of his take on life.
• Mrs. Micah Mrs.Micah is another one that I don't miss. I read her post everyday. She's a very good writer and entertaining and informative. A real fun read.
• Garry Conn If you want to learn how to start and run an Internet business, this is a have to subscribe to site.Garry is the first of the "A" list bloggers that personally reached out to me with an email in answer to an email that I sent to him. Garry never has forgotten where he came from. I am grateful for the personal touch. Garry if you read this. I saved and framed your email to me. It sits in my office right now. Thanks again.

These are just a sampling of the sites that I visit on a daily basis. I've left off a lot of my favorites. Not because I didn't want to put them in,just for a lack of room. The Personal growth that I have experienced because of blogging these past few months is something I wouldn't trade for the world. I don't have a "Niche" I wander all over the place with content. I don't know what I'm going to post on in any given day. I guess that what makes me "JustaKrusen". So with your permission,or without it too I guess.:) I'm going to continue to ramble on. Speaking my mind. I'll try not to make any body too mad. But If I do make ya mad, don't stay mad, get even. Let me know why you don't agree. And if by some slim chance ya agree with me. We'll ya better not let me know. It will only encourage me to do it more. And we can't have that, now can we? I'm justa saying!

Technorati Tags: Dead Horse beater,Drama King,Friends,seizing the day.

Justa number

Indy is always smiling. It must be great to be a dog. Or is it that we just spoil him?

That's what I felt like justa

sitting in the waiting room and waiting and waiting and waiting.I hope to finish up the CPEP journey today. I left you off with me having been through only one of the three steps to getting my medications adjusted and hitting the road to freedom. I say it like this because after awhile it got to feeling like a prison camp. It was about 6:00 pm at this time and some people (me amongst them) were getting hungry.

Some one suggested I go up and ask about

getting fed as they'd been there before and they knew they brought sandwiches and such in a container out like on the airliners. Being the shy, withdrawn and scared to say any thing kind of person that I'm not. I went up to the window and asked the girl behind her Strongly fortified cubby hole. When me and my new found best buds, could be expecting the dinner bell to ring. The girl told me that someone would be out to feed us soon. Ok, soon is good right? 5 or 10 minutes, that's soon in my book.

Well soon in her book must have

been much later. Some one had noticed the stack of containers of food on the desk in the back and told me about them. So when 7:00 pm came and we still didn't have our food. I took it upon my self to ask for permission to use the Bathroom. It just happens to be back near where the food was stacked waiting for delivery to us. You guessed it! I became a delivery man. I brought one for me and another one for some one else back with me to the waiting room. Every one else motivated by the look of the Peanut Butter and Jam sandwich or was it the stale chocolate cake, soon went out on their own and got one and brought it back in. Had we not done that, we'd still be sitting there waiting for "a little while" to get there. 

See I'm taking to long to tell the story

After we ate the delicious gourmet meal. I ,after going up and asking how much longer it was going to be to see the counselor was called into the back again to see said counselor. Some more discussions of why I was there and my medical and mental history were discussed. Here I thought I was seeing the Doctor, so I opened up enough to explain to him my situation, thinking that he would understand my need, fill it and we would part our ways, and live happily ever after. No, No, this was only step two of three. Back out into the waiting room again. A new cast of characters was mixed in with some of the older ones that had been there awhile. 

Now we're to about hour nine of my journey into absurdity!

It goes quick after this about 10:00 pm I'm called into the back for the final step. I now get to talk to Dr.Whoever. I'm about the 30th person she has seen on her nearly, 6 hours into her shift(She's into I just want to go home and take my shoes off, put me feet up and watch Dave Eicorn tell me what the weather is going to be tomorrow mode)We did have an interesting discussion that lasted maybe 20 minutes. She gave me two medicines. The first ones being Abilify 10mg (which would knock a horse out) I know because it sure hit me pretty hard when I took it. It only took about 1 hour for it to start working. The second one is Lorazepam 1 mg which is to be taken when the first one gives me anxiety. Great system right. I can't argue, they work. The problem for me is The Abilify cost me $78.00 even with my Pomco insurance.(They paid $300.00 something) The second one is relatively inexpensive. And yeah, I discontinued the Rispedal I was on. No problem I only spent $90.00 for that about 2 weeks ago.

Now, for as quick as an exit as I can make on this post. If you or a loved one have need to go to CPEP, in my opinion, DON'T, go to one of the other emergency rooms in the area. I believe Community Hospital and University Hospital takes Mental emergency patients. From what I understand CPEP is for acute cases. There is nothing cute about having a mental disorder. Believe me I know. Join the discussion. Leave a comment. Do you or a love one suffer from a mental disorder? Do you know someone who does? Do you work in the social work field and can share some insight into this disorder, Or into the blight of Mental health in today's budgeting cutbacks?

Technorati Tags: Drama King,Having fun,Bi-Polar,our taxes,seizing the day. wasting money.

Justa continuing the CPEP Saga!

  I've since lost about 20 lbs,but look at that face would you buy a used car from this guy? Do I have a face for radio or what?

I think we left off with my in the staging area

This is the waiting room where friends and relatives can wait right along with those of us waiting to be seen. This environment can, and quite often does become quite toxic quickly. The two times it did were when a 19 year old teenager that had been dropped off there buy the police and just left him.(he was one of the ones that never got checked out,the whole time he spent in the waiting room he had his cell phone,shoes and who knows what else with him.) As his frustrations increased he was getting more and more agitated and was talking to who ever would listen to him.

He seemed real good at picking out

the weak person in the room and using them as a sounding board.Eventually staff was alerted and he was taken into the inter sanctum.(He was very good at using the system to get what he wanted) He knew that he could jump in front of everybody if he just acted out and got noticed and made people uncomfortable. And guess what. it did work. We in the room were rather glad to be rid of him though. But it just shows how people that have dealt with the system their whole lives have learned how to circumvent the rules. His "twin sister" came in later in the day and pulled the same thing only she was much better at it. Suffice it to say. She got what she wanted also. A trip to the next step ahead of everyone else. Again the group in the room was elated when she departed. As there were two groups of parents with a couple of younger teenagers in their own crisis. They didn't need any "french speaking" lessons if you know what I mean?

So I'm going to try to pick up

the pace of the story a little quicker here. I might have to go into a third day to get to the end of the story though. Bear with me please.So you get frisked go back into the waiting room. You wait about 1 or 2 hours to see the Nurse. They take you back into a back room take your blood pressure check the vital statistics etc. Ask you some very basic questions of why your here then send you back out into the waiting room. Now at this time in the waiting room your starting to hear some war stories. Someone told us that he had been there overnight and had only gotten to stage two, which is see a counselor. So he had been there over 12 hrs just for the first two stages and was waiting for his visit with the Doctor so he could be released to go home.

Now remember little ole me in all this

At this time I'd already been in and out of the waiting room twice. Once for the frisking and the second time for the nurse interview and vitals testing.I've been at CPEP for 5 hours now. Sitting in this waiting room with out my cell phone, my shoes gone and hungry.(Who eats when your going to Crazyville)I'm starting to get a little agitated and as I looked around the room I saw the level of agitation in the room was growing. So at that time I decided to go into my "One flew Over the Cuckcoo's nest" Mcmurphy role.Fortunately for me I only did it in my head. Every thing I did from here on in was under the radar so to speak. I'm sorry but because of the length I'm going to have to end this tomorrow.Check back for the conclusion of the Saga of CPEP. I'm justa saying!

Technorati Tags: Bi-Polar,Drama King,Drama Queen,family,crisis,our taxes.